Fantasy Gods and Boobs: Week 2



By Peter Christian

Yes, its back. The feature in which I showcase my complete and utter lack of a life is here to remind you why you were cracking the champagne or slamming your head in your car door. Why did you pull out that unbelievable upset against the team that scored the most points last week? Why did your team fail miserably after such a good performance last week? Here are your answers.


Why Your Team Won:

Utilizing the 10 team snake draft method it is highly likely you could have put the following starting lineup together:

Week Two Gods:

Chris Johnson – 197 Rush Yds, 87 Rec. Yds, 3 TD (1st Round Pick)

Frank Gore – 207 Rush Yds, 39 Rec. Yds, 2 TD (2nd)

Matt Schaub – 357 Pass Yds, 4 TD (7th)

Marques Colston – 98 Rec. Yds, 2 TD (4th)

Vincent Jackson – 141 Rec. Yds 1 TD (5th)

Ronnie Brown – 136 Rush Yds, 2 TD (3rd)

Dallas Clark – 183 Rec. Yds, 2 TD (6th)

Nate Kaeding – 4 FG (29, 22, 23, 25) 2 PAT (12th)

Giants Defense – 31 Points Allowed, 3 INT, 1 Fumble Recovery (8th)


Going by the average draft position of both players I’d say it is a good chance that you are puffing out your chest and talking some serious trash on the league message board if you had a late first and an early second round pick which you selected Chris Johnson and Frank Gore respectively. The two of them alone probably won your game for you with their combined 80 points but your team total of 217 is far more impressive. It is doubly impressive compared with the projected total of 94 points that team was to get.


Why Your Team Lost

On the flip side, there are players whose performances were less than stellar and likely combined to net you the loss. If you just set the league record for least amount of points scored in a week, your team might look like this:


Week Two Boobs

Tom Brady – 216 Pass Yds, 1 INT (1st)

Randy Moss – 24 Rec. Yds (2nd)

Greg Jennings – 0 Rec. Yds (3rd)

Thomas Jones – 54 Rush Yds (4th)

Roy Williams – 18 Rec. Yds (6th)

LenDale White – 25 Rush Yds (7th)

Zach Miller – 0 Rec. Yds (12th)

Eagles Defense – 48 Points Allowed, 1 INT, 1 Safety, 2 Sacks (10th)

Josh Scobee – 1 FG, 2 PAT, 1 Missed FG (Final Round/Waiver Wire)

Interesting to see three of last weeks Fantasy Gods on the Boobs list this week in Jennings, Jones and the Eagles Defense. Those three players combined for a whopping 73 points last week and this week got you exactly 1 point. The rest of your team didn’t help either. The Brady-Moss combo you drafted 1-2 (let’s pretend you had the 9th pick overall) really puked all over the coffee table this week. They should have put up about 30 on your side of the scoreboard but instead netted you 8. In total this team scored 16 points of its projected 108… yes that team’s actual output was less than 15% of its expected output. It’s OK, go take that triple shot of Jim Beam mixed with Rubbing Alcohol, I’ll see you next week.

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  1. still don’t get how Jennings didn’t have a catch… bit of a backfire whoring Packers in all of my fantasy leagues…

  2. rikki.greenberg says

    I was so excited to have Thomas Jones on my team.

    Unfortunately, Jones hasn’t done jack thus my excitement has flatlined. That goes for freakin Rivers too. I need to be like Beyonce, put a ring on it, upgrade and start having some sweet dreams about players who can actually produce more than 2 points.

    I’m hoping Banks cracks a little smile after reading this comment :)

  3. You’re not kidding about the Brady suckitude. arrgghhh.

    it’s national talk like a pirate week. arrrrrrrrr

    Schuab really came with it. I guess that disturbing scenario I previously brought up, about Hou chanting for Rex…well, not that’s not gonna happen any time soon

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