The Anti-Bracket: Rachel Nichols Regional


rachel nichols espn

The Sports Bank’s third annual Anti-Bracket (formerly known as the Douchebracket) celebrates all that is wrong in the world, most prominently in the sports world.  Four regionals will chosen by an esteemed panel of TSB contributors.  With your input, the field will be narrowed down to a Final Four where our readers will choose the winner of the 2011 Anti-Bracket.

Past winners of the Rachel Nichols Regional include Rachel herself and last year’s winner, Luke Harangody.  Help me figure who will earn that honored distinction this season by leaving a comment below as to who you think needs to advance to the Final Four.

By: David Kay
bruce pearl paint
1. Bruce Pearl
I really don’t even need to write anything here.  You probably saw Pearl’s name and immediately thought, “Yup.”  If you were playing a game with your friends and had to pick a name in the “which college basketball coach would get busted for illegal recruiting” John Calipari would probably go first, but Pearl would be an obvious second.  To get busted and then lie about it and somehow not get fired?  Plus, that awful fake bake.  What a slimy dude.

16. Bruce Pearl Still Being Employed
For real, how?  I guess the Volunteer basketball boosters will still cough up the cash to the program with Pearl running the show.

three point goggles

8. Flopping
Whether it is soccer, basketball, or hockey, flopping is pretty much cheating and takes away from the game.  (I am looking at you Manu Ginobli.)  Quit acting like a wimp and like somebody shot you when get shoved by the force of what a four-year old girl would hit you with.

9. Goggle-eye 3-point thing
I don’t even know what to call this but the picture above shows it.  At first, it was kind of cool, but now it annoys the heck out of me (except of course for when my Marquette boys do it.)  On to the next trend please.  (I am voting to bring back the Darius Miles/Quentin Richardson antennae thing.)

lil wayne green and yellow

5. Rap Songs About Teams
I am referring to “Teach Me How to Bucky” and “We Smellin’ Roses” that blew up during the Badgers Rose Bowl run.  Even Lil’ Wayne did a “Green and Yellow” cover about the Packers (which I surprisingly don’t hate.)  By the way, Lil’ Wayne is a Packers fan?  Isn’t he from New Orleans?  Shouldn’t he be a Saints fan?

12. Nascar Drivers Thanking Sponsors
Not that I watch much Nascar, but whenever I do regardless of the question, you notice how drivers always work in their sponsors?  I know they are coached to do that so the money keeps pouring in, but they can be asked about what happened during a crash and somehow the answer always ends up with a shout-out to the sponsors.  It is exactly like the Ricky Bobby dinner scene.

ines saint butt

4. Ines Sainz
I saw her first hand when I was covering the Super Bowl in Dallas and she is more of a spectacle than the actual Media Day was.  She gives all female sports journalists the stereotype they have about being a pretty face, hot body, and not knowing a lick about sports.  (Except for Shelly Smith of course because she is neither a pretty face or hot body.)

13. Cold Weather in Dallas During Super Bowl Week
It made covering the event a pain in the butt.  People in Texas were literally driving twenty miles per hour down the highway with their hazards on because there was an inch of the snow.  Add in the fact that everything was so spaced out around the Dallas/Irving/Fort Worth/Arlington area and that I had to go to a Walgreens to buy gloves and a winter hat (because who packs those things when you go to Dallas), and mother nature made Super Bowl week somewhat awful.  (I know I should not be complaining about covering the Super Bowl and sound like a 65-year old beat reporter, sorry.)

Roger Goodell lockout

3. Lockouts
NFL is going through it now.  NBA will likely be doing the same thing this summer.  Owners and Players just want to get richer while the fans who love the game suffer.  Sounds pretty douchey to me.

14. Major League Baseball
Last season I went on a baseball hiatus for a year because I was fed up with being Cub fans.  I have to say, it was the greatest decision of my life and I am seriously considering extending my hiatus another year.

kansas basketball arena

6. Online Blog Comments
Let me first say that we enjoy and are appreciative for all the comments we get here at The Sports Bank.  With that out of the way, whenever I read a newspaper blog like Milwaukee’s JS-Online and some of the comments that people leave, I want to stab myself in the eye with an ice pick.  They are for the most part idiotic and without any rationale.  I especially hate when people want to rip into teams or players or coaches under a fake name or tear into other commentors who actually make valid points.

11. People Who Tell Me the Scores of College Basketball Games
I have trained all my friends, colleagues, co-workers, associates, etc. to never text me or call me about the outcome of college basketball game since I DVR so many games.  There is one yahoo who lets the cat out of the bag about a huge game that I really want to watch without finding out the score.  SCREW YOU!!!!

ronnie sammi jersey shore

2. Sammi and Ronnie’s Relationship
I will admit it; Jersey Shore is a very entertaining television show.  I want to hang out with Pauly D someday.  However, the relationship between Sammy and Ronnie is more annoying than when my girlfriend gives me a Snooki, “Wahhhhhh.”  Sure, it makes great television and we all know a couple that was just like this, but Ronnie’s incessant sobbing combined with Sammy’s insane amount of trust issues make Charlie Sheen seem sane.  Just break up already!

15. Russell Brand Being Married to Katy Perry
I mean, how?  Some things in life just do not make sense and this is one of them.  For the record, Katy Perry looks very attractive in her Proactive commercial and I don’t feel bad admitting that.

LeBron decision

7. “The Decision
A bridge was not burned when LeBron James had an hour long special on ESPN crushing the hearts of his hometown fans by announcing he was leaving Cleveland for Miami, a whole city was hit with a nuclear bomb.  Oh wait, but all the proceeds for The Decision went to charity… nevermind then.

10. Cleveland Cavaliers
From Dan Gilbert’s open letter to fans about LeBron leaving to a 26-game losing to streak to celebrating breaking that skid like you had just won the NBA Title to trading for Baron Davis.  Glad I am not a Cleveland fan.


  1. So I like the (16) seed upset special here. I think it is more crazy that Pearl is still employed that how much of a douche he really is.

    I’m going with Flopping(8). I just like the 3 goggles too much when I see MU do it.

    Rap Songs about teams(5) has to move on. I change the station on the radio quicker than when I hear Bryan Adams.

    (4)Ines Sainz has to move on. Mainly because most people want to punch you right now for even complaining in the slightest to not only go to the superbowl but to see your favorite team play there and win. I’m tempted to sub you in as the 13 seed here and think about an upset.

    (3)Lockouts must go on. If the NFL does go to a lock out, irony will hit and I will finally get my Bears season tickets and then I won’t get to use them until the NFL stops being a douche.

    (11)I’m going with the upset of people wrecking the scores for you and anyone else for that matter. While I do hate the online blog comments I read on JS online, I get way more mad when someone ruins a game for me. I’d rather use that ice pick on their eye instead.

    (2) Sam and Ronnie’s relationship is like Duke going against Depaul. Here is where I would two ice picks to use on both of them. Thank god for Vinny and Pauly D to lighten the mood and attempt to get the cameras off Sam and Ronnie. I also don’t like th feeling of watching domestic abuse on TV. Also, KP is hot and weird which makes her and Russel work, I think. I’ll tell you this, I gaurantee watching those two would be more entertaining than watching Sam and Ronnie.

    (10)Dan Gilbert wins the 7/10 game. Sure, Lebron’s Decision was ridulous but Gilbert’s comments were just off the chart retarded. Good luck on winning that chamionship before Lebron does.

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