Really Specific NBA Season Predictions

Share

kenyonmartin.jpggreg-oden-blazers.jpgbaron_davis1.jpg

Any dough head can predict an NBA champion or an MVP. It takes serious skill and foresight however to envision the specific events, turning points and finishes of the individuals and teams of the league. Sit back as David K. and Peter Christian use their crystal ball to make 5 BOLD Predictions for the 2008-09 NBA season.

1. The Denver Nuggets will be the worst team in the NBA; The Denver Nuggets will set a single game record for most shots attempted in a game; The Denver Nuggets will be the first team in NBA history to have an on-court fight with each other.

(PC) This team has the lethal concoction of 4 parts multiple egos, 3 parts bad chemistry, 1 part coach with no control, about 55 parts of losses and a sprinkle of unpredictability. If all of it comes together, expect an on-court implosion that begins with Kenyon Martin threatening to punch (or actually just punch) one of three teammates (A- J.R. Smith, B- Allen Iverson, C- Linas Kleiza) for one of the following reasons:
A – He hasn’t even touched the ball on offense because Smith has taken 39 shots (which would only trail Carmelo’s 60 and AI’s 52 on that given night)

B – He and AI argue about the validity of the bad-ass-ness of their tattoos every time down the court.

C – He becomes so frustrated with the entire team/season/situation/game and decides to take out Linas because after two seasons because he still can’t say his name without someone else correcting him.

(DK) If the Nuggets roster ends up turning into a 12-man battle royal, here are odds for winner…

2-1 Kenyon Martin- just to see him rip his jersey to the side, show off his tattoo, and pound on his chest

10-1 Allen Iverson- 1-1 odds on his posse being the first to get involved

25-1 Renaldo Balkman- his dreads are too much of a liability in a no holds barred fight

100-1 J.R. Smith- hurts his odds that 5’9 Nate Robinson handled him in the Knicks brawl. 
1,000-1 Linas Kleiza- I could see him immediately go into “duck and cover” mode

2,000-1 Nene- would tear his ACL before he even got a chance to throw his first punch

5,000-1 Chris Andersen- he’ll be too stoned to want to get in on the brawl

10,000-1 Carmelo Anthony- remember Melo’s punch and run against the Knicks?

 kenyonmartin.jpg

2. Vince Carter will Vince Carter his way out of New Jersey

(DK) This can also be referred to as “Manny Ramirezing” your way off a team.  Carter has already done this once his career when he stopped putting forth effort on the court for the Raptors until he sulked long enough to get his way and was then traded to New Jersey for practically nothing.  Now that the Nets are clearly in a re-building mode and should be one of the worst teams in the NBA, you can expect Carter to play as hard as Randy Moss did with the Raiders and force the Nets to deal him for thirty cents on the dollar. 

Shedding Carter’s three remaining years on his $9 million contract won’t be easy, but a contender looking for another scorer (maybe the Cavs who could part with Wally Szczerbiak’s expiring deal and maybe Delonte West or a first round pick) should be getting on the horn with the Nets come January.   

(PC) I’ve already publicly stated that Vince will be traded for an expiring contract, a young prospect, a draft pick and a rack of the old synthetic NBA basketballs that they used in the league for about two months before the complaining of the players became too much to endure and they had to switch back to the old basketballs. We already have current NBA GM’s sulking because the NBA Trade Machine has already dashed their hopes of landing the original “play when I want to” player at a discount.

baron_davis1.jpg 

3. Baron Davis explodes for an MVP Caliber season as he plays every game in F*** You mode.

(PC) Look, Baron has worn the fake smile on his face ever since Elton Brand snuck away to Philly shortly after convincing his pal to sign with the Clippers. Prior to that midnight departure, there were already analysts picking the Clips to be a dominant team in the West, however after Brand went East, those same analysts now think the Clips will suck and will miss the play-offs. Baron will take the Clippers to the play-offs on his back as he goes out to prove every night that they didn’t need Elton Brand to be a good team.

(DK) I’m not sure I agree with this one.  Now that Davis has cashed in a huge contract with a crappy organization, I think he’s due for a lingering ankle injury that causes him to miss a good chunk of the season.  Peter may be biased because he is currently sporting Davis’ shaved head, full beard look, but this is a little over-stating it from my perspective.

4. Stephon Marbury will accept his role as a back-up and will remain on the Knicks roster all season long without incident.

(DK) How many teams could Starbury actually start for in the NBA?  One for sure; Miami, to replace the Marcus Banks/Chris Quinn/Mario Chalmers trio.  Starbury is the third string point guard on the Knicks, behind Chris Duhon and Nate Robinson.  Brace yourself, his $21-plus million dollar salary this season is the second highest in the NBA and that outrageous contract finally comes to an end.  If he wants to play in the NBA after ’08-’09, he will have to accept his role on Mike D’Antoni’s bench.  No longer having Isaiah running the show should also increase Starbury’s happiness, as should playing in a more street-ball style offense.  By the way, isn’t it funny how fast Starbury and Stevie Franchise fell off the basketball map?

(PC) Marbury is almost undeniably one of the most selfish players ever to play in the NBA however when he saw that the Knicks were completely OK with paying him for not sitting on the bench again, it made him realize that above all of his own plans of being rich and “THE MAN”, he still needed basketball in his life. Collecting that pay-check with the ability to shred opposing teams second squads in limited minutes will be just enough to prove to himself that he still has “it” and that he could still secure one more decent contract before his career is over.

5. Greg Oden emphatically proves why he was the best player drafted in the last two seasons and wins a unanimous Rookie of the Year award.

(PC) Oden was largely thought of as a player that leads your team to a string of championships when he was drafted over Kevin Durant. The thought was that Durant will get the stats and Oden will be the building block. The same would have been said if Oden was in the same draft against Michael Beasley. I understand the durability concerns but people are going to realize quickly the Trailblazers future relies on the offense and defense of Oden. Even though he has been injured, he still has the benefit of being coached and taught about the pro game for 12 additional months more than the current crop of rookies. That extra learning will propel Greg “I look like I’m 40 but I still can’t buy a beer” Oden’s game to a higher level and to the ROY.

(DK) Peter seems to think that Oden will have a 20 point/10 rebound per game type of season.  For a guy who has barely played in double digit games the past two seasons, and was bothered by a thumb injury in all of those games, I guess the potential is there when he is healthy.  In order for him to be a unanimous ROY pick, he will have to stay out of foul trouble which will be a tall order due to his size and inexperience playing against guys as physical as he is.  Also, Joel Pryzbilla will be backing him up, and he is a serviceable big man who will steal minutes away from Oden.  Michael Beasley will get a chance to ride D-Wade’s coattails in Miami and should put up some nice numbers for a rookie, and is still my vote for ROY.  I see Oden as more of a 12-8-2.5 blocks a night player this season.

greg-oden-blazers.jpg

Powered by

Comments

  1. Dave, good reference to your man-crush there at the end. Too bad we cant watch a Heat-Jazz game together or maybe we can do a text-off with that, if for some reason the earth turned itself ober and that was a TNT or ESPN national game

  2. Peter Christian says

    You guys could always spring for the Full Court Pass on DirecTV…

  3. Oden hurt in first game… shocker

Speak Your Mind

en_USEnglish