VOTE NOW! Finals of Anti-Bracket Kardashian Regional


kim kardashian reggie bush

March madness is here! double digit seeds aplenty are advancing. Not just in college basketball but The Sports  Bank’s Anti-Bracket as well. So let’s cut to the chase and see who survived, and who can vote for in the national semifinal. The winner of this bracket will take on the winner of the Milton Bradley Regional.

By Paul M. Banks


Regional Semifinal I: #9 Referring to skankiness as “female empowerment.”

Whoever was the first person to say “pretty girls never get told the truth,” is the smartest person alive. There’s something inherently dangerous about a society where any woman who takes a lot of her clothes off in public, because she looks really good/it’s marketable to do so never gets called out for her b.s./never gets fair and proper scrutiny.  Or as I call it, the “Wait, you’re trying to tell me Jenny McCarthy is witty and funny ??!!!” rule. Because McCarthy looks really swell naked, no one in her life has ever bothered to tell her how annoying and unfunny her “sense of humor” really is. Instead she ‘s written a movie, two sitcoms and three best-selling “books.”

In her case the end result is just a ton of terrible pieces of “culture,” but for people like Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, or in a recent media sensation, Alexandra Wallace, the YouTube racist from UCLA, the outcome is far more damaging. And the WORST possible way you can never “tell a pretty girl the truth,” is to tell her that acting like a slag is “empowering to womankind.”

#8 Women who enter relationships with Charlie Sheen and #1 Chicago Blackhawks Media Relations never stood a chance.



#4 People who text you when you’re driving to meet them

Do you know this is like a million times more dangerous driving drunk? We all need to take a giant fucking step backwards with this texting thing. I’ll get the trend started, by not responding to a higher percentage of the texts that I receive. I was planning on doing this anyway. The fact that maybe this will help start a trend that saves lives is an added bonus. The #4 seed had to fight off a VERY VERY strong challenge from #12 seed Tim Doyle. The BTN analyst is quite possibly the worst announcer of all time! And it was a 3 OT battle for the ages.

Regional Semifinal II #2 Playing “I got a feeling” at sporting events

This is the true regional final, and arguably a genuine national final right here. I’m so irritated by this shitastic Black-Eyed Peas song that I can’t even bring myself to write about it any more.


#3 MLB’s View of Internet Media

There’s a reason you see so many Cialis and Viagra commercials during Major League Baseball telecasts- it’s pretty much the only demographic they have left!

MLB is dying among the youth crowd for one simple reason: it’s failure to join the rest of the 20th century when it comes to coexisting with internet media.

I hate the term “new media,” or even “internet media” for that matter, because the web is the only medium growing while every other medium is dwindling or dying out. Yet baseball still has a clause in their collective bargaining agreement prohibiting media access for representatives of web sites or blogs. Why? Because they don’t want any video highlights of any game getting posted anywhere other than the prescription service they want you to purchase. They also want their site to be the ONLY source of internet coverage.

Take a look at page 205 of the CBA, (which would actually be page 217 in this pdf) which discusses club media regulations. You’ll notice the very first point mentions “press, radio and television” and absolutely nothing about the world wide web.

Pretty much sums it up. But here’s how it affects you the fan, and kills their own product in the process:


Paul M. Banks is CEO of The Sports He’s a regular contributor to Chicago Now, Walter Football, Yardbarker, and Fox Sports He does a weekly radio segment on Chicagoland Sports and you can follow him on Twitter @thesportsbank


  1. paulmbanks says


  2. paulmbanks says

    Paul S, only one of your three texting habits made it to the sweet sixteen. although I seriously don’t see it advancing any further given the competition

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