In the past 24 hours there has been a lot of talk about MLB phenom Stephen Strasburg‘s MRI results, the poor Washington Nationals fans and of course the tear in Strasburg’s right ulnar collateral ligament. Everybody has their jokes and their opinions on the young phenom’s pending Tommy John surgery and subsequent 18 month rehabilitation. No one, however, has gone directly to the source to get a sound bite.
No, not Strasburg, It’s his torn UCL I’m talking about here. I had a chance to conduct a phone interview with the ligament on Friday afternoon (in the “I’m Jack’s medulla oblongata”/”Fight Club” style), here is the raw, unedited transcript of that conversation:
For more on why Strasburg’s mechanics need to change go here
By Peter Christian
(Peter Christian) – Thanks for taking my call, how would you like me to refer to you in the column?
(Strasburg’s Right Ulnar Collateral Ligament) – I don’t give two shits. Fact is, I’m nearly split in half and I’ll be homeless soon. You can call me a worthless body fiber from now on.
(PC) – I wouldn’t say you’re worthless. Did you see how much Strasburg’s rookie card went for? You had something to do with that. Hell, you might even get sold for some serious dough.
(SRUCL) – You don’t need to butter me up. I took your call. Let’s get this going.
(PC) – Fair enough. Talk me through the last 6 days.
(SRUCL) – Well, it all started last Saturday. As the big guy was warming me and my boys up we just weren’t getting on the same page, you know? But we’ve been doing this for a while and we figured it out. By the time the game started I thought we were fine, but as we got to the point where we usually hit cruise control, someone up in the shoulder started to hold back.
(PC) – The same shoulder that had bothered Strasburg a couple weeks earlier?
(SRUCL) – Right. So someone up there wasn’t able to handle their responsibilities for whatever reason and me and the elbow fellas picked up the slack as we usually do. We were able to get through the fourth, but the stress was just to much to bear in the fifth.
(PC) – And since then?
(SRUCL) – It’s been pretty terrible. I was in some awful pain at first, then I had that assholeย Subconsciousย second guessing my decision to take on the extra stress and lately I’ve had to really just deal with the reality that I cost the entire team a chance to be something great this year.
(PC) – The Nationals?
(SRUCL) – No man, Stephen’s right arm. The Ligaments, the Tendons, the Muscles, the Bones, the Nerves, we’re all a close knit group. They understood my choice. They get it. I was just trying to cover for the shoulder for a little while until it could get healthy. I mean, we’ve been doing what we do for so long, we just know we can count on each other in a pinch.
(PC) – When did you know the extent of your injury?
(SRUCL) – At first, the pain was so bad, you know? I didn’t even take time to assess it. Then, I tried to hide it and just buck up. Personally, I knew about the tear later that night but I was hoping it was something that would just heal with some rest. It sucked having to withhold that information from the rest of the arm and the whole body, really. As much as the news sucks, I’m really glad to not have to hold that secret anymore.
(PC) – Have you said your goodbyes?
(SRUCL) – Not yet. I’m just not ready yet. I still have some personal demons to conquer first before I can do that. I have always been a part of a team and now I’m not only going to get benched but I’m getting put out to pasture as well. I know it’s for the best but I’d be lying if I told you I was OK with it.
(PC) – With Strasburg’s velocity and delivery, you knew you were at risk, right?
(SRUCL) – Absolutely, but I had a job to do and I was going to do it as long as I could. Look, I’m Stephen Strasburg’s Ulnar Collateral Ligament. I had to go out there with the mindset that I was gonna make it. I mean, Nolan Ryan’s UCL is still doing fine and we’ve been compared to each other more than I can recall. I had a good run, I got him drafted first overall, he got a giant signing bonus with my help. Now I’m Stephen Strasburg’s Torn Ulnar Collateral Ligament and I have to hand over the reigns to someone else that gets to enjoy the fruits of his talents.
(PC) – Who is the best candidate to replace you?
(SRUCL) – The guy over in the left arm has the right mindset but my money is on one of the dudes from below the knees. They’ve been ignored as contributors for so long that they really have something to prove. I’d go with one of them.
(PC) – Thanks for your time. I really appreciate it. I hope everything goes smooth for you.
(SRUCL) – Smooth? Really? I get cut out with a scalpel and put into a medical waste bag. Smooth? Go fist yourself.
(PC) – Look, I’m sorry, I just meant…
(SRUCL) – I don’t care. I knew this was a mistake.
*End Transcript*
Looking back on the interview, I wish I would have asked if Strasburg’s Right Ulnar Collateral Ligament was upset with the other arm structures for forcing him (her? it?) to take on the additional stress, but that is a question I fear we will never have an answer for.
(All interviews portrayed in this column were the figment of the author’s imagination. No ulnar collateral ligaments were harassed in preparation for this post).
For more on whey Strasburg’s mechanics need to change go here
