Sidetracked: Adam James Trapped in a Closet?


By: Melissa S. Wollering

Every so often in Sidetracked, we veer off topic, down the path everyone’s thinking but no one’s saying.

With no disrespect to what I’m sure was slightly abusive and highly uncomfortable, it sounds like Adam James was trapped in a closet. “Confined to a small dark areas while the rest of the team practiced” sounds almost poetic.

Literary greats were trapped in closets and cupboards and turned out allright. (Feel free to list referenced characters below.)  Doesn’t solitary confinement serve a disturbing yet therapeutic purpose? Perhaps Adam James’ experience can best be told through the eyes of R&B lyricist extraordinaire, R. Kelly.

7 o’clock in the morning and the rays from the sun wake me

I’m stretching and yawning on a heap of pads that don’t belong to me

Then a voice yells “good morning Jamesie” from outside the room

Coach comes in and stares at me and to my surprise no trainer in lieu

Now I’ve got this dumb look on my face like “what have I done”?

How could my concussion have knocked me out till the morning sun

Must have lost the track of time, oh what was on my mind?

These last two practices this closet has been my home, didn’t plan to stay that long

All I hear are the dudes who call me lazy and a jerk

Searching for that stupid guard they put on me, trying to get on up out the door

Then Coach stretched his hands in front of me

Said “you can’t go this way”

Looked at him like he was crazy

Said “Coach Leach move out my way”

I Said “I got a Dad at ESPN”

He said “please don’t go out there”

“Coach I’ve got to get reps in”

He said a trainer was coming from the stairs

“Adam quiet, hurry up and get in the closet”

He said “don’t you make a sound or some **** is going down

I Said “why can’t I just practice”

“yes, except for one thing, your head could explode”

Think, think… “quick put me in the closet”

And now I’m in this darkest closet trying to figure out

Just how I’m gonna get my crazy ass out to the field

But the trainer walks right by and yells “team, let’s go”

Coach says “all players are present”

He walks to the field with a smile on his face saying “Let’s prep for the Bowl”

My trainer’s on the sidelines and says “I’ve got some ankles to tape”

I’m telling you now Coach’s charade is so good he deserves an Oscar

Douglas, Franks and Morris don’t even ask where I am

I’m in the closet like dudes, why the f*ck can’t I even sit down?

You’re not going to believe it but things get deeper as the story goes on

Next thing you know a call comes through on my cell phone

I tried my best to quickly put it on vibrate

But from the way Leach acted I could tell it was too late

He knows who my dad is and whispered “he’s ratting on me and I’m going to stop it”

And I’m like “God please don’t let this man open this closet”

He walks off the field and makes sure no one else is looking

But now even Coach Riley says “I thought I heard a cell ring”

Riley and Leach say “boys get back to your drills”

I remember the time when Riley punished me, making me run stairs

These coaches don’t know what they’re doing. I work hard, sweating like hell

That’s it, I’m telling my dad (dad)

then everyone else at ESPN (ESPN)

About this dark closet (closet)

No, it’s not a media room (interview room)

It’s an electrical closet (closet)

I don’t hide from the heat in this closet (closet)

There’s no prima donna in this closet (closet)

Now Coach will have to open this closet (closet, closet, closet)

Check out our very own Alex Simon report on this developing and possibly overdramatic story.

Thank you for reading our new column Sidetracked, where we branch out to bring you the best in non-mainstream Midwestern sports talent and off-the-beaten-path discussion topics. Remember, you read it here first at The

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