Welcome to the d-bag bracket, a tournament deciding the most insufferable douchebags in all of sports. Please feel free to comment as much as possible, because your feedback will help determine who advances to the Final Four.
This is the bracket compiled by site Vice President David K.
1. Brett Favre as a Jet- This is not a shot at Favre himself, more a stab at how the entire Favre-Packers saga went down last summer. This past year NEEDS to be permanently erased from my mind.
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16. Cubs fans who blame Steve Bartman- How about blaming Alex Gonzalez for his crucial error that allowed the flood gates to open instead of some poor guy who happened to try and catch a foul ball that was coming straight at him, just like the twenty people sitting around him?
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8. “Acronym Signs”- Especially with TV Station Acronyms like ESPN, ABC, FOX. Here’s one for you “Everyone Sucks and is Penned uNoriginal” It especially chaps my ass when one of the letters is in the middle of the word like I have the ‘n.’
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9. “Priceless Signs”- This piece of cardboard? 75 cents. My friend’s face paint? $3 Never having to see one of these overdone signs ever again? Priceless
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4. Around the Horn- Jay Mariotti… Woody Paige… Jackie MacMullen… screaming, yelling, talking over each other, not being funny, not having relative arguments… Tell me when to stop….
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13. National Signing Day- Maybe it’s just because I am not a college football guy, but didn’t we know this guy was signing with our team when he verbally committed nine months ago?
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5. Luke Harangody- Awkward, Doofus, Frankenstein, Baby are all words that come to mind when I think of Harangody.
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12. Luke Harandgody’s fadeaway jump shot- As a person who appreciates the pure aspects of college basketball, Harandgody’s jump shot is the worst thing I have seen since Manute Bol.
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3. Rachel Nichols- “After the game, Brett Favre told me… “ No he didn’t you short, non-blinking, 
over-acting, I only have this job because Diane Sawyer is my mother-in-law pathetic excuse for a sportscaster. He told all of us during the press conference, not just you.
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14. Mel Kiper Jr.- It is about more than just the ridiculous hair. Has Mel ever admitted to being wrong about something? No. I would love to see Todd McShay pimp slap him sometime.
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6. Fans who don’t take their hats off/are disrespectful during the National Anthem- It definitely is more annoying when it’s an adult, but shut your trap, put your cell phone away, take your hat off, and stand still for two minutes before the game begins. It’s really not asking that much.
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11. Fans who yell, “GET IN THE HOLE” after a drive or long iron shot- Hey, that was hilarious buddy… 15 years ago when the 7,429th guy did it.
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7. T-Shirts under Basketball Jerseys- Why? Seriously? What are you, eight years old? Don’t even get me started on the tight-fitting muscle tee’s under the jersey.
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10. The Amount of Charges in College Basketball- I’ll allow my friend Quentin to speak on the matter: “Referees seem to have fallen so in love with the emphatic offensive foul call (buoyed by rambunctious home crowds that respond joyously to it) that whenever they see a defensive player flying backwards, the call is automatic to the point where I no longer even know what is or is not a true foul. The most egregious: two players are running side-by-side 30-feet from the basket, the defensive guy steps in front of the offensive player a half-step early, what gives him anymore right to that space than the man with the ball?”
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2. “That Guy” in Fantasy Football- You know “That Guy”. “That guy” who wants to tell you about how each of his player’s on his four teams did Monday morning at work. “That guy” who has nothing else to talk to you about from the months of August-December other than fantasy football. “That guy” who asks you every Friday who he should start. I despise “That Guy.”
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15. The two weeks leading up to the Super Bowl- Is it really necessary to add an extra week of hype to already the most over-hyped event of every year? As if I need any more reasons NOT to watch SportsCenter.
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You probably have the strongest #13 seed of anyone so far. I am a collegefootball guy and I find Natl Signing Day to be the most boring shit imaginable. There really is only a 30% or less that the recruiting class rankings will match up in the standings down the road, so WHO CARES! Plus people who spend their time watching video of analyzing the physical performance of teenagers is creepy! I dont care much for high school sports
playing agasint espn’s “around the horn” though thats tough. I cant think of a show that tries to dumb you down more than that suckfest. And that stupid scoring system they have? based on what? Everyone I know that truly knows sports hates that show
I appreciate “That Guy.” We ALL know “That Guy” in Fantasy Football. However, what about “That Guy” – opening round of the NCAA’s who can’t let go of the fact that he picked a 12-5 correctly – like he was the first to think of it and needs to mention it repeatedly to the true basketball fan. In the end…it’s still only worth a point…and most likely…”That Guy” is not going to win your pool. Now the real gem is when someone can fall under both “That Guy” categories…and yes, they are out there.
–1st round–
I think we all know how big of a douche I think Brett Favre is, so I have #1 beating 16.
Priceless signs are dumb, #9 wins.
I love college football and hate Around the Horn, #4 wins.
Harangody isn’t as lame as Casey Jacobson or Jason Kapono were, but he’s close, #5 wins.
Rachel Nichols is the worst, biggest joke of a reporter the sports world, maybe even entire world, has ever seen. And I like Kiper more than McShay (what is he, 19 years old, maybe 20. he’s talking college football and he’s probably still in college) #3 rolls in this one.
I haven’t seen too many people disrespect the national anthem personally but I do hear people yell “get in the hole” quite a bit. I laugh…but it’s at them. #11 wins.
I wear T-Shirts under basketball jersey, or used to when I actually played basketball, because I’m fat and my nipples chafe. I like that defenses try to get charge calls but it is too often. This one is close…#10 wins and is more douchy…but it goes to overtime.
I think everyone knows “that guy”. And there are way too many of them. #2 wins.
–2nd round–
Brett Favre sucked as a Packer and a Jet off the field probably more than on the field. I loved Joe Montana but I laugh when I think of him as a Chief. Favre as a Jet could, should, and probably was the punchline of many jokes. #1 moves on.
Luke Harangody isn’t a bad player, he’s just weird looking…and overrated. Around the Horn is full of idiots that would try to make fun of him but instead, they would say something so dumb I would end up liking him just so I don’t agree with the morons. #4 advances to the fagoty 4 to face #4 (#1).
Fans who yell “get in the hole” should be yelling “shut your hole” to Rachel Nichols. She is way more douchy than thousands of idiots. At least they’re trying to be funny…she seems like she doesn’t try to do a good job. And if she is putting effort into her work, I would hate to see her/listen to her on a day off. #3 rolls again.
“That guy” is probably the same guy who tries to take charges, sets moving picks, and went to UCLA. “That guy” advances.
–Fagoty 4–
I’m sure there are idiots on Around the Horn who defended Brett Favre going to the Jets, and some who thought it was so great for him to play again. He sucks, he loves attention, and Packers fans still like him. They should be the douchy ones. Instead, he pays for their stupidity and advances to the Doucheionship.
Rachel Nichols probably “spoke to that guy before this match-up, and he told her all about his fantasy football team” except “that guy” realized she was even dumber than she seemed on TV…making her more douchy.
–Doucheionship–
For a long time this summer when Favre went to the Jets, I thought because Rachel Nichols was always doing stand-ups and stories about the Jets, that her and Favre were probably having an affair. As much as I hate Favre, that’s probably a step up for her…which is pathetic because he’s pathetic. Brett should go take some more drugs and drink some more so he can deal with all of her ramblings in this Championship match-up. Unfortunitely, they don’t do any good and she is still too annoying for the sometimes deadly combination of drugs and alcohol. Like the Patriots losing to the Giants…Brett Favre loses and Rachel Nichols wins the David K Region of the bracket…
…but that’s just what I think. Thanks for your time.
Rachel Nichols all the way. I stopped reading at that point. I went back and skimmed. 7 and 11 are good too. I like college football recruiting, but the whole “which cap, which cap, which cap? Oh Sh*t he just pulled out a totally different cap! stuff has got to go.”
-Rachel Nichols EEEEEeeeeeee S PPPPpppppp eeeeennnnnn
First I think this David K should have put himself in the top 16 seeds. Rachel Nichols is great (blink-blink). Plus any guy who owns & calls a Jets-Favre jersey “sexy” should not suddenly pretend that it was such a horrible thing. And since we all know that he really is “that guy” when it comes to fantasy football, I feel this is more an exercise in coming to terms with his own demons. That said I think many of these are spot on. However, I write this with my hat on, talking on my cell phone and holding an Every Stupid Person is uNwanted sign. Go Twins!
I definitely vote for the 16-1 upset. Favre in a Jets jersey sucked, but doesn’t bother me as much as Cubs fans who ignore the error by Alex Gonzalez and the fact that they had 3 chances to win 1 game with 2 of the most dominant starting pitchers of that season going and STILL didn’t get it done.
Acronym signs definitely have to go, and I think they got a low seed here. They went out of style with the Walkman.
I like the 12-5 upset. I could actually respect Harangody a little bit (like I do Tyler Hansbrough, don’t like him, but I respect him) if it wasn’t for that garbage fade-away that you couldn’t get to fall on a video game if you created a character and gave him a 99 on shooting. That shot is such crap yet it still goes in. Can’t stand it.
National Signing Day is a bit of a beat down, but there are some fun aspects to it. Although, I think the kid with 5 hats in front of him on national TV is a bit overdone. Around the Horn is a daily beat down, and it gets the edge and the win for me.
I grow a little tired of both Mel and Rachel. But we get Rachel weekly. Mel is a seasonal thing. Advantage and win: Rachel. Her hair actually bothers me more than Mel’s. It just looks so weird, doesn’t it? The first time I saw her on ESPN, I thought, “which producer’s 18 year-old daughter is doing interviews for ESPN?” Then I found out she’s like 35.
6-11 is interesting, but I categorize the people in 6 as arrogant jerks or ignorant morons, or both. 11 is definitely in the “douche” category every time. Anyone who yells that on the tee shot on a par 5 should be banned from all golf courses for life. 11 wins
7-10? Push for me. I guess I’ll go with the charges. I sometimes understand the t-shirt thing, for guys with no guns to show off (i.e. Chris Douglas Roberts) or guys who just feel more comfortable shooting the ball with a t-shirt on. If you went 8 for 8 from downtown wearing a t-shirt, would you wear it again? You bet you would.
“That Guy” is awful and is very tough draw for the 2-week Super Bowl love fest. Super Bowl love fest could beat a LOT of entries in this bracket, maybe as many as 13 of them, but I think “That Guy” just has too much for it.
Keep it real, DK.
I wish you could have seen my face reading this entire thing. I was laughing out loud and no one around me would have understood why they were funny.
#1. Watched Rachel reporting on Jay Cutler tonight…She had about a 45 second standup and it got to the point where I really thought she wasn’t going to say, “he told me,” but never fear..it obviously came up.
#2. I think I peed my pants to #11. I think this has been discussed before…
#3. My other favorites: 4, 9, 7.
#4. Get over Brett you big baby.
The 6 and the 10 could make runs. Also I’ll take the 16 seed and the points vs. Favre.
Everything has been said above, so I will not repeat…
However, strengths for me reside with the sentiments of men I know and love from Eau Claire…Steve & Jon and right on.
Favre’s seed is well-deserved and the entire drama should play out on Days of our Lives.
I know its a long shot, but I vote for the seven seed to make a deep run. The t-shirt underneath the jersey just reeks of 3rd grade YMCA basketball