By David Palmer
With a slow baseball offseason there are some things that I have been pondering while surfing through the never ending slew of Super Bowl hype, college hoops and whatever else seems to be on at 1 am…
-ESPN is currently running their sports themed Mt. Rushmore promotion to spur debate. I say we end all debates and just put four Brett Favre heads up there, who can argue that? Seriously though, here’s my Rushmore: Jackie Robinson, Gretzky, Jordan, Tiger Woods.
-Speaking of Brett Favre, have you ever noticed how every, and I mean every, broadcaster, analyst, and commentator in the world HAS TO say his whole name. There is no such thing as just Brett or Favre. This is an occurrence I’ve been closely watching for over a year now. It was brought to my attention by an acquaintance of mine who has a name that is also only two syllables. People constantly call him by both names.
-It is starting to carry over to other athletes as well. OU’s Blake Griffin is the next biggest perpetrator of this (courtesy of Jay Bilas). You will now notice every time. I say we call it the “Brett Favre Phenomenon.” Let me know if you hear more.
-The new Real World Brooklyn started a couple weeks ago. Their big twist is having a post-surgery transgender woman as one of the eight. The most recent episode shows her dancing at a bar, grinding on guys, and eventually taking one back to the house. First, how would you like to be one of those guys she was grinding with, your life is pretty much over. You can never live that down, never.
Second, me and my buddy Oliver were trying to decide what the disclosure etiquette is on something like that. When do you have to tell the guy you bring back that you were born with male reproductive organs? Within the first 5 minutes? Couple hours? Whenever he happens to find out? We need a ruling on this.
-Sorry to Bert Blyleven for not making it to the Hall of Fame again. I think he should be there, his numbers speak for themselves, he has a championship, and his f-bombs during a live broadcast a couple years ago never gets old.
-But please Bert stop whining about it. He’s turning into the hot high school girl that is openly campaigning for Homecoming queen. This happened my senior year in HS. Guess what, she didn’t even make the top ten. Don’t screw yourself by campaigning Bert, just act like a mature adult about it.
-A shout-out to my new favorite college basketball player and namesake, Iowa’s backup center David 
Palmer. His cause was greatly helped when he took it to Wisconsin to the tune of 21 pts, 7 rebs. in their upset last Wednesday. This makes the third famous David Palmer (besides myself) in my lifetime. The first was the Vikings third down back and return man during their 15-1 season in 1998. The second, played by “Major League’s” Pedro Serrano, was President David Palmer on Fox’s TV show “24.” All three happen to be large African-Americans, and I am wirey white dude. I don’t know what this means, but I think my street cred is on the rise.
-Quick story about Larry Fitzgerald. A good friend of mine went to high school with Larry at Holy Angels Academy in Minneapolis. Our freshman year of college he told me this Larry Fitzgerald guy (a frosh at Pitt at the time) was a guaranteed NFL Hall of Famer. I obviously blew him off, saying things like, “yeah right” and “you’re so biased.” I have followed Larry ever since, and eight years later it looks like he may be right. Talk about the greatest call of all-time.
-I usually put a small monetary wager on the Super Bowl just make things interesting. Usually I pick a winner versus the spread, and also put something on some ridiculous prop bet. One prop bet I found was whether or not a live animal (not counting humans) will appear on or above the playing field during halftime. Saying Yes is a three-to-one longshot, so if anybody has inside information about plans for a falcon show or a bear riding a bicycle or anything after The Boss gets off stage let me know. I am also taking Arizona (+7) against the spread. Go Larry!
-Lastly, a congratulations goes out to TSB’s own Peter Christian on the birth of his second girl, happy and healthy. He’s officially only one shy of fielding a starting five. I hear she has already been breaking down next weekend’s Super Bowl match-up and is taking the over. Peter is like the Alex Ovechkin of sex, he slips it past the goalie every chance he gets.
Thanks buddy… I’ll be sure my wife doesn’t see that last line. BTW I’m laughing so hard I’m crying right now. My boss just asked me what’s wrong.
Oh and I think this should be your running gig, once a month.
Right, now we need a snappier title…to make this your regular feature..or “beat” keep up the good work, do it regularly and you can have your own category classification…now that’s livin’ the high life!
My Mount Rushmore would be Brett Favre, Brett Favre, Brett Favre, and Dwyane Wade…
and I’ve decided I need one of those Men in Black mind erasers to get rid of the past year of football from my memory… seriously.