Tim Tebow’s Easter sermon: American theocracy preferred, slams fellow athletes (video)

tim-tebow

If there’s anyone who mixes faith and sports, (and with it, intentionally or unintentionally, politics and sports) it’s Tim Tebow. Those who believe sports should be kept from being used as a political platform need to cast the first stone at Tim Tebow, as he consistently commits that act over and over again.

It was previously projected that 30,000 would come see Tebow preach at an outdoor Easter church service yesterday. Estimates have Sunday’s flock in Georgetown, TX closer to 15,000. Still, he’s a huge draw, and quite a few of those fans were wearing #15 New York Jets jerseys.

“In Christianity, it’s the Pope and Tebow right now,” Celebration Church pastor Joe Champion he said. “We didn’t have enough room to handle the Pope.”

[Read more…]

Tom Brady No Longer Toils in Relative Obscurity; Tosses TD Pass Record

tom-brady

Tom Brady is a two-time league MVP and winner of three Super Bowls. He threw for 5,235 yards during the season, second in NFL history to Drew Brees’ 5,476 (also this season). He has a ridiculously hot supermodel wife Gisele who doubles as a global environmental ambassador (she just got back from a mission trip to Africa). Yet it seemed like the media completely ignored him this week.

Brees overshadowed the fact that Brady also broke Dan Marino’s passing record. And that’s understandable.

What’s not understandable is how the entire nation became so transfixed by Tebow’s play, and his polarizing personality that they almost forgot Brady existed.

He reminded them with authority Saturday night.

[Read more…]

Patriots (Not so) Mercifully End TEBOW MANIA!

patriots domination

Our long national nightmare of media over-exposure is now over! For whatever reason, The Denver Tebows just don’t match-up well with the New England Patriots, getting their azzes handed to them yet again- 45-10 this time. The first meeting in Denver went 41-23 N.E.

With all of America talking about Tim Tebow, the team with the most American of mascots gave Tebow and the Broncos their dismissal for the 2011 NFL season. This 45-10 “game” was to Jesus’ starting QB and Denver what the battle of Yorktown was to King George III and his Redcoats- the decisive final defeat.

[Read more…]

Tim Tebow Media Coverage, Public Faith Greatest Hits Collection

tim-tebow

Resistance is futile. Especially at this point, when ESPN devoted an entire SportsCenter to Tim Tebow; making a Tebow reference literally every 18 seconds. As poignant as song lyrics could ever be. Green Day “American Idiot”….”don’t want to be an American idiot, one nation controlled by the media.”

As a New England Patriots fan, well…I guess whatever gives Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski, Wes Welker and company an extra edge. They’re certainly flying under the radar today, even though their a heavy favorite in the NFL playoffs!

So let’s get to the point and run down all the Tebow pieces we’ve been forced to do. (It’s like covering the Amy Winehouse death, you don’t want to do it, but as a business man you’re a complete schmuck if you don’t).

So let’s talk media-whoring and annoying displays of public faith! Greatest hits after the jump

[Read more…]

SNL Sketch: Jesus Tells Tim Tebow, Broncos he’s Reason for Winning Streak

tebow-creation-of-man

Right now Tim Tebow is much more than a Denver Broncos quarterback, he’s a pop culture tour de force. Everyone has an opinion on him including the writers at “Saturday Night Live.”

Last night Taran Killam played the overanxious Tebow, Andy Samberg portrayed unsung place-kicking hero Matt Prater and Jason Sudekis played the Son of Man. Big J.C. claims credit for the Broncos’ winning streak and appears in their locker room post OT win over the Chicago Bears.

The reason? To tell the Broncos it’s time for them to start winning games on their own instead of relying on Him to have to show up and save them every fourth quarter.

[Read more…]

Hate Tim Tebow? Blame the Media and his Defenses, not his Faith

tebow-christ

Without a doubt Tim Tebow is the most polarizing figure in the entire sporting world. And the main reason isn’t his overt Christian faith, which he publicly displays as if he were receiving royalties for every mention of the lord, or even anything inherent to his personality.

I don’t think Tebow himself is worth hating. Sure, none of us really know him, but his public facade seems like a nice guy. We don’t know who he actually is but he seems a decent sort. Sure, he’s home-schooled, and those people are usually creepy and simplistic. But I think he generally means well even if he isn’t exactly bright.

However, I don’t find him likable at all. In fact I think he’s an annoying one-trick-pony, but that’s different from being detestable.  There are other people connected to Tebow who are much more detestable.

[Read more…]

Tim Tebow’s Pastor: Broncos Winning Streak is “God’s Favor”

jesus-tebow

You knew this was coming. Eventually, someone would dare to be stupid enough to say this. Especially after yesterday, when the Chicago Bears (SPECIFICALLY MARION BARBER) gave away a game to the Denver Broncos and Tim Tebow. The collapse was so unlikely and so one-sided in the final two minutes that you just knew some idiot would claim this game was “God’s will.”

This comment is so bad, I’m sure Tim Tebow himself will back away from these comments.

[Read more…]

Michael Irvin Refers to Tim Tebow as “Son of God” On-Air (Video)

tebow christ

It’s very easy to draw the analogies between Denver Broncos starting quarterback Tim Tebow and Jesus Christ. For one, very few athletes in recent memory have been as publicly overt about their Christian faith as Tebow. Secondly, the flock of devotees (NFL football fans) who worship Tebow do so in a very religious “onward christian soldier” mentality.

Since there’s no true evidence to believe he’ll be a true star NFL QB, Tebow’s acolytes believe in him through faith. And we in the sports media have fun calling him St. Tebow, Jesus Tebow, Tim Christ etc. But now someone has actually skipped past metaphor or simile and actually gone literal with the comparison.

[Read more…]

NFL Mock Draft 3-31

Tim Tebow is Actually not God or Jesus

tebowcross

By Paul M. Banks

This is how most of the media “cover” Florida QB Tim Tebow

1 First Tim Tebow made heaven & earth 2 The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the Spirit of Tim Tebow was moving over the face of the waters. 3 And Tim Tebow said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. 4 And Tim Tebow saw that the light was good; and Tim Tebow separated the light from the darkness…And Tim Tebow saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day. Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them. 2 And on the seventh day Tim Tebow finished his work which he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had done.tebowcreation

So maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But no college athlete in the history of sports has had the entire press roll over as lapdogs for him.  All Tebow needs to do is exist and everyone acts like hysterical 1960s teenage girls seeing The Beatles in public.

Television, radio, the internet, newspapers etc. have told us that he is Superman, God, Jesus, or simply what happens when someone artificially (or perhaps immaculately) makes a child with from the raw material of Jesus, God and Superman. And it’s impossible not to refer to him in biblical terms because Tebow cites the Lord and God numerous times in just about every interview he does. I don’t have a problem with Tebow being a devoted Christian; to each his or her own. But the pious evangelical Christianity that he, the media, and the PR people at UF flaunt at every opportunity (like his trips abroad to circumsize the penises of the unwashed) is probably why he’s escaped a critical eye from so many college football experts. To criticize Tebow is to literally be deemed blasphemous.

Yes, we know he’s not like every other college kid. In that he skipped the beach, boobies and beer-induced debauchery of spring break to instead help Third World people shed the epitome of sin that is the foreskin. And that’s quite noble that he choose to do that, but we don’t to be told about his “greatness” a million times a week.

In all seriousness:

-The mainstream media made a national story out of the fact that he wasn’t a unanimous all-conference preseason selection. It wasn’t enough that he was all-conference, in order to not provoke a vengeful God, he had to be picked by everybody.

-They took a freaking Tebow postgame quote and made it into a plaque for goodness sake.

-A journalist actually asked him at an SEC media day, “Why are you special?” Seriously, whoever did that needs their credentials forever revoked NOW.

-ESPN’s Chris Fowler said after the LSU game last month, “I know some people out there are having Tim Tebow fatigue…” I got excited that there was finally going to be some balance, but no Fowler reverted to typical Eastern Seaboard Programming Network form, which is literally calling him Superman on air.

-Jim Rome once said on his show “we are all better people for having heard him speak.”

-Former Super Bowl Head Coach Tony Dungy said he thinks Tim Tebow will be a “franchise quarterback in the NFL”, and that anyone who has the chance to draft him #1 overall should do just that. There are plenty of experts saying his skills will not translate to the next level and he will become a NFL star.

We are now all dumber for having heard Dungy say that. It’s a good thing for NFL GMs that none have to deal with Dungy screwing up their organization.

tebow-christ2

I’ll admit that he’s a very good college football player, but it makes me nauseous that I’ve had to spend the past four college football seasons hearing about it. Yes, he wins championships and awards, but he also spends a great deal of time on the field yelling foolishly and acting like a complete moron. Yet people claim he’s such a good leader. Maybe because they could believe he’s yelling “Onward, Christian soldiers!” to his teammates. Because it’s Tebow, this behavior is deemed “fiery” and “energetic.” If it were anyone else, the antics would be cast in a pejorative light.

After this season, Tebow will be nothing more than a glorified Chase Daniel. In the 2010s and 2020s, he could be remembered as the Sarah Palin of college football, a flash-in-the-pan who was essentially much ado about nothing. A lot of fire and brimstone; unsubstantiated.

nude sarah palin

More Coverage? Tebow playing b-ball or Tyler playing Football?

tebowcross1

Point-Counterpoint by H. Jose Bosch and Paul M. Banks

Another week of college football, and you know what that means: another week of the Eastern Seaboard Programming Network whoring Syracuse QB (and former Duke basketball star) Greg Paulus in their coverage. And now that he’s actually won a game (thanks Northwestern secondary, you just had to have your first 2 CBs banged up THAT week, so that Paulus’s wide receivers could make him look good) expect the overexposure to be even worse. hansbrough_bloody

Within this framework, we thought about what might happen if ESPN’s other 2 overwhelmingly favorite college athletes switched sports? What if Tim Tebow played college basketball? What if Tyler Hansbrough played football?

1 First Tim Tebow made heaven & earth 2 The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the Spirit of Tim Tebow was moving over the face of the waters. 3 And Tim Tebow said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. 4 And Tim Tebow saw that the light was good; and Tim Tebow separated the light from the darkness…And Tim Tebow saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day. Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them. 2 And on the seventh day Tim Tebow finished his work which he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had done.

In all seriousness, when I tried to replace God with Tim Tebow the computer asked me why I was replacing a word with the same word. Crazy.

But Tim Tebow can do nothing wrong in the world. To think that Psycho T would get more press than Tebow is crazy. They took a freaking Tebow postgame quote and made it into a plaque for goodness sake. All Tebow needs to do is exist and everyone wets themselves.
tebow-christ2

The biggest difference between the two is that Tebow clearly works hard but looks like an athlete. Hansborough works hard and looks like he has the mental capabilities of a gym sock out there. His style is like that player who tries too hard during a pick up games except he wins national championships and my shots …. er … that player’s shots go over the backboard.

Just accept it Paul, Tim Tebow could quit football right now and he will be considered a bigger success than the two of us…even if we found the cure for cancer; which is Tim Tebow’s tears.

Too bad he doesn’t cry.

(Sorry Chuck Norris, but Tim Tebow tears are much better. In fact, did you know that Chuck Norris looks in the morning every day and thinks to himself, “God, I wish I was Tim Tebow.” To which God replies, “So do I.”)
–HJB

Wow! It’s very tough to respond to that. Hard to argue against the laws of divinity. I always knew That Tim Tebow=Jesus, or that he was this generation’s messiah, but I didn’t know that he was in fact, God himself. Oh wait, Jesus is the son of man, and the human embodiment of God, while also being the son of God. So I guess by transitive property on inequality, Tebow=God. I’m not sure. That part of the Bible, like the rest of the book, is very vague and mysterious to me.
But what does all this make Tyler Hansbrough? Well, he’s hard working. And energetic. And he works really hard expending a lot of energy. And he brings a lot of energy to all the hard work that he does. And he’s extremely competitive in the hard work that he does. Work that he does with tremendous energy. You might have heard that Psycho T “is a tremendous competitor” who “does all the things that don’t show up in the stat sheet,” and he does all these things with “a blue-collar work ethic” and that he’s also hard-working. Blue-collar even.

tylerhansbrough

So if you work a blue-collar job and you’re relaxing from working hard like Tyler Hansbrough, you must by law, (or by God’s will, make that Tim Tebow’s will) love Tyler. There is no other way. His hard work, and energy, must be adored at all times by everyone. Because he’s “what’s right with this game” “what’s right with college basketball” and everything that’s right in America, in the world, in the universe. Tyler Hansbrough’s work ethic is so powerful it’s the karmic polar opposite of strip-mining, child pornography, and clubbing baby seals all rolled into one.

Tyler Hansbrough’s energy and work ethic is to basketball what pictures of kittens and puppies are to being cute. Resistance is futile, If you don’t like Psycho T. you don’t like college basketball, or basketball at all. Or sports, or pizza, or looking at girlie magazines, or even breathing for that matter. Tyler Hansbrough is better, and more important than all these things. If you are not with Hansbrough, than you are with the terrorists. He is to the secular world, what Tebow is to the heavenly.

school_of_athens

So basically HJB, I see your point, but basically you and I are having a debate which is the sports media equivalent of Aristotle and Plato in Raphael’s famous Fresco painting, at the Vatican, “School of Athens”. In the center of the foreground, Plato points down to signal that the answers to life are to be found here on Earth, in the secular realm. Aristotle, points upward to the Heavesn signifying that the answers are to be found in the cosmos. Which is what this debate boils down to. But I win this round for another reason. Psycho T. would be playing America’s Game:football which would get all the headlines. Tebow is playing basketball- which is just not as popular. Sorry. Game. Set. Match.

–PMB