Tom Brady No Longer Toils in Relative Obscurity; Tosses TD Pass Record

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Tom Brady is a two-time league MVP and winner of three Super Bowls. He threw for 5,235 yards during the season, second in NFL history to Drew Brees’ 5,476 (also this season). He has a ridiculously hot supermodel wife Gisele who doubles as a global environmental ambassador (she just got back from a mission trip to Africa). Yet it seemed like the media completely ignored him this week.

Brees overshadowed the fact that Brady also broke Dan Marino’s passing record. And that’s understandable.

What’s not understandable is how the entire nation became so transfixed by Tebow’s play, and his polarizing personality that they almost forgot Brady existed.

He reminded them with authority Saturday night.

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Patriots (Not so) Mercifully End TEBOW MANIA!

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Our long national nightmare of media over-exposure is now over! For whatever reason, The Denver Tebows just don’t match-up well with the New England Patriots, getting their azzes handed to them yet again- 45-10 this time. The first meeting in Denver went 41-23 N.E.

With all of America talking about Tim Tebow, the team with the most American of mascots gave Tebow and the Broncos their dismissal for the 2011 NFL season. This 45-10 “game” was to Jesus’ starting QB and Denver what the battle of Yorktown was to King George III and his Redcoats- the decisive final defeat.

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Tim Tebow Media Coverage, Public Faith Greatest Hits Collection

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Resistance is futile. Especially at this point, when ESPN devoted an entire SportsCenter to Tim Tebow; making a Tebow reference literally every 18 seconds. As poignant as song lyrics could ever be. Green Day “American Idiot”….”don’t want to be an American idiot, one nation controlled by the media.”

As a New England Patriots fan, well…I guess whatever gives Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski, Wes Welker and company an extra edge. They’re certainly flying under the radar today, even though their a heavy favorite in the NFL playoffs!

So let’s get to the point and run down all the Tebow pieces we’ve been forced to do. (It’s like covering the Amy Winehouse death, you don’t want to do it, but as a business man you’re a complete schmuck if you don’t).

So let’s talk media-whoring and annoying displays of public faith! Greatest hits after the jump

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SNL Sketch: Jesus Tells Tim Tebow, Broncos he’s Reason for Winning Streak

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Right now Tim Tebow is much more than a Denver Broncos quarterback, he’s a pop culture tour de force. Everyone has an opinion on him including the writers at “Saturday Night Live.”

Last night Taran Killam played the overanxious Tebow, Andy Samberg portrayed unsung place-kicking hero Matt Prater and Jason Sudekis played the Son of Man. Big J.C. claims credit for the Broncos’ winning streak and appears in their locker room post OT win over the Chicago Bears.

The reason? To tell the Broncos it’s time for them to start winning games on their own instead of relying on Him to have to show up and save them every fourth quarter.

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Hate Tim Tebow? Blame the Media and his Defenses, not his Faith

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Without a doubt Tim Tebow is the most polarizing figure in the entire sporting world. And the main reason isn’t his overt Christian faith, which he publicly displays as if he were receiving royalties for every mention of the lord, or even anything inherent to his personality.

I don’t think Tebow himself is worth hating. Sure, none of us really know him, but his public facade seems like a nice guy. We don’t know who he actually is but he seems a decent sort. Sure, he’s home-schooled, and those people are usually creepy and simplistic. But I think he generally means well even if he isn’t exactly bright.

However, I don’t find him likable at all. In fact I think he’s an annoying one-trick-pony, but that’s different from being detestable.  There are other people connected to Tebow who are much more detestable.

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Tim Tebow’s Pastor: Broncos Winning Streak is “God’s Favor”

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You knew this was coming. Eventually, someone would dare to be stupid enough to say this. Especially after yesterday, when the Chicago Bears (SPECIFICALLY MARION BARBER) gave away a game to the Denver Broncos and Tim Tebow. The collapse was so unlikely and so one-sided in the final two minutes that you just knew some idiot would claim this game was “God’s will.”

This comment is so bad, I’m sure Tim Tebow himself will back away from these comments.

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Will Jesus Help Tim Tebow Win the Superbowl? A Brief History of God-Fearing NFL Players

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Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow has taken much criticism for his God-fearing, I-Heart-Jesus ways.

(Guest post from Kent Page McGroarty)

From SNL skits featuring Jesus in the Broncos’ locker room to NFL players mocking “Tebowing,” or when Tebow drops to one knee to say a quick prayer, it seems Tebow gets just as much press for his religious beliefs as he does for his stats. Now that Tebow and the Broncos have secured their place opposite the New England Patriots in the NFL playoffs, critics are wondering how many more times the quarterback is going to thank that big sports fan in the sky for his success on the football field. Though Tebow is arguably the most vocal quarterback in NFL history concerning his faith, he is certainly not the first player to go on (and on) about his love-slash-fear of God.

He’s just the most annoying.

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Poll: 43% of Americans Believe Tim Tebow Success Comes From Divine Intervention

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As coverage of Tim Tebow threatens to take over all television networks and overload all web servers, a company called Poll Position wanted to know how many Americans believe divine intervention is at least partly responsible for the success of the controversial Denver Broncos quarterback.

After Tebow led the Broncos to an OT playoff win over the Pittsburgh Steelers last weekend, radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh attributed the victory to divine intervention in favor of Tebow, triggering a discussion about whether God took sides in the game. (And you know if Rush says it….because talking about Tebow isn’t polarizing enough, we had to throw Limbaugh in this as well)

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Michael Irvin Refers to Tim Tebow as “Son of God” On-Air (Video)

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It’s very easy to draw the analogies between Denver Broncos starting quarterback Tim Tebow and Jesus Christ. For one, very few athletes in recent memory have been as publicly overt about their Christian faith as Tebow. Secondly, the flock of devotees (NFL football fans) who worship Tebow do so in a very religious “onward christian soldier” mentality.

Since there’s no true evidence to believe he’ll be a true star NFL QB, Tebow’s acolytes believe in him through faith. And we in the sports media have fun calling him St. Tebow, Jesus Tebow, Tim Christ etc. But now someone has actually skipped past metaphor or simile and actually gone literal with the comparison.

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Tim Tebow is Actually not God or Jesus

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By Paul M. Banks

This is how most of the media “cover” Florida QB Tim Tebow

1 First Tim Tebow made heaven & earth 2 The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the Spirit of Tim Tebow was moving over the face of the waters. 3 And Tim Tebow said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. 4 And Tim Tebow saw that the light was good; and Tim Tebow separated the light from the darkness…And Tim Tebow saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day. Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them. 2 And on the seventh day Tim Tebow finished his work which he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had done.tebowcreation

So maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But no college athlete in the history of sports has had the entire press roll over as lapdogs for him.  All Tebow needs to do is exist and everyone acts like hysterical 1960s teenage girls seeing The Beatles in public.

Television, radio, the internet, newspapers etc. have told us that he is Superman, God, Jesus, or simply what happens when someone artificially (or perhaps immaculately) makes a child with from the raw material of Jesus, God and Superman. And it’s impossible not to refer to him in biblical terms because Tebow cites the Lord and God numerous times in just about every interview he does. I don’t have a problem with Tebow being a devoted Christian; to each his or her own. But the pious evangelical Christianity that he, the media, and the PR people at UF flaunt at every opportunity (like his trips abroad to circumsize the penises of the unwashed) is probably why he’s escaped a critical eye from so many college football experts. To criticize Tebow is to literally be deemed blasphemous.

Yes, we know he’s not like every other college kid. In that he skipped the beach, boobies and beer-induced debauchery of spring break to instead help Third World people shed the epitome of sin that is the foreskin. And that’s quite noble that he choose to do that, but we don’t to be told about his “greatness” a million times a week.

In all seriousness:

-The mainstream media made a national story out of the fact that he wasn’t a unanimous all-conference preseason selection. It wasn’t enough that he was all-conference, in order to not provoke a vengeful God, he had to be picked by everybody.

-They took a freaking Tebow postgame quote and made it into a plaque for goodness sake.

-A journalist actually asked him at an SEC media day, “Why are you special?” Seriously, whoever did that needs their credentials forever revoked NOW.

-ESPN’s Chris Fowler said after the LSU game last month, “I know some people out there are having Tim Tebow fatigue…” I got excited that there was finally going to be some balance, but no Fowler reverted to typical Eastern Seaboard Programming Network form, which is literally calling him Superman on air.

-Jim Rome once said on his show “we are all better people for having heard him speak.”

-Former Super Bowl Head Coach Tony Dungy said he thinks Tim Tebow will be a “franchise quarterback in the NFL”, and that anyone who has the chance to draft him #1 overall should do just that. There are plenty of experts saying his skills will not translate to the next level and he will become a NFL star.

We are now all dumber for having heard Dungy say that. It’s a good thing for NFL GMs that none have to deal with Dungy screwing up their organization.

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I’ll admit that he’s a very good college football player, but it makes me nauseous that I’ve had to spend the past four college football seasons hearing about it. Yes, he wins championships and awards, but he also spends a great deal of time on the field yelling foolishly and acting like a complete moron. Yet people claim he’s such a good leader. Maybe because they could believe he’s yelling “Onward, Christian soldiers!” to his teammates. Because it’s Tebow, this behavior is deemed “fiery” and “energetic.” If it were anyone else, the antics would be cast in a pejorative light.

After this season, Tebow will be nothing more than a glorified Chase Daniel. In the 2010s and 2020s, he could be remembered as the Sarah Palin of college football, a flash-in-the-pan who was essentially much ado about nothing. A lot of fire and brimstone; unsubstantiated.

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