About 3-4 days ago, the NFL said they were in the midst of their investigation into Brett Favre’s alleged sexting of Jenn Sterger, and that they would have a ruling on the Minnesota Vikings QB in 7-10 days. Therefore, as of Thursday October 28th, the sports media story of the year (originally broken by Deadspin, NOT ESPN) will all be over with, and we’ll have closure.
At “press time,” Sterger was considering offers of financial consideration in exchange for her silence. Favre admits to phoning Sterger and asking her to come over, and nothing more as of yet. Deanna Favre is saying nothing except that she has faith, and the New York Jets massage therapists are nowhere to be found.
So here’s how I think it’ll play out. And for those of you that bet on sport, please take these predictions with a grain of salt. Actually take them with a whole truckload of salt:
By Paul M. Banks
If you’re a football betting man, this is probably Favre’s last go-around. (Honestly, I really do think this will be his last season, truly).
Re: Damage Control
The “ole gun-slinger” has cried on camera more times than interview guests on “Up Close with Roy Firestone.” Seriously, Favre and public melodrama go together like black men and fat white girls.
He can’t play the “Yeah, I know I just done wrong. I’m just a simple country boy. Why did I do something so stupid with my ole pecker? Just want to go back to my Mississippi ranch” card. It’s too late, it’s been done. He needs to come clean. So far, he’s done a pretty good job of scandal management. Not David Letterman level scandal management, but pretty good nonetheless.
I would say it’s time to spend money like images of a Jay-Z music video, but I’m not sure if hush money can thwart damage to his legacy at this point. He’s already racked up plenty of convictions in the court of public opinion; the Saturday Night Live parody video attests to that.
However, over time America will remember Favre for his TD passes, completions, yardage and interceptions first. Memories of his texting pictures of his junk and fake retiring every season will be ancillary.
Think about Babe Ruth: do you remember him first for 714 home runs? Or as an obese, drunk, syphilitic whore-monger?
Let me be the first to say I’M SHOCKED that Sterger has parlayed a pair of $11,000 implants into a media career. Since that infamous Florida State boob tube (literally) moment, every time I thought she was in her 14th minute she returned more famous than ever before. So I have to give her credit for staying relevant despite not being actually good at anything. It’s not that she’s bad at her job, it’s just that her job is really easy and it doesn’t take much to do it. So you have to be extremely inept in order to be terrible.
I’ve heard rumors Versus will can her from The Daily Line in a few months. Nowadays, she’s only on that show for like 15 whole seconds an episode anyway. To quote the old show-biz maxim “you’ll never work in this business again.”
And she won’t have to. She’ll be damaged goods, but with a shit ton of money.
So yes, I’m predicting she reaches a financial settlement with the Favre camp and signs the confidentiality agreement. Favre’s brand is worth hundreds of millions in endorsements, public appearances, memorabilia etc.
Therefore, Sterger’s silence is worth a few million. If she invests correctly she’ll be set for life. (Jenn, email me: I can manage that portfolio for you, my stock advice is cheaper than your standard portfolio planner. T-Bills? No, I have some high yield bond prospects for you)
She’ll disappear, and history will remember her in the same manner as it does…Donna Rice, Gennifer Flowers, Monica Lewinsky, Paula Jones etc.
Sterger in obscurity means a slight change for me- I’ll need to find another keyword to rank high for in the search engines.
Truly, the person whose feelings matter more than anyone else involved. Perhaps no single person’s life was more rocked by this scandal. Now that Brett is retiring will she stay with him? She has stayed with him after catching him cheating in the past. If she does stay, then she deserves no sympathy from us.
You can follow him on Twitter @thesportsbank