By Paul M. Banks
There’s nothing quite like high expectations going unfulfilled to crush your soul. It all started in April with the Jay Cutler trade. The coming of big JC, the savior to Chicago was about as hyped as Jesus H. Christ. The Bears forgot to mention that no one was going to block for Cutler, and that he would be given no one to throw to; except for three guys who run the wrong routes so often they appear to have a collective IQ of 12. The tremendous let down that is the 2009 season is reason enough for plenty of Bears fans to annul their relationship with the team, but it’s only part of the equation for me.
My reasons are personal, as both fan and journalist. In September, I learned the Bears Media Relations policy is pretty much “Go F— Yourself.” I thought it was just towards me, but then I learned plenty of other media professionals have had similar (or worse) treatment. As annoying as it is to have some just out of college PR flak talk down to you, that horrible experience was nothing compared to my game attending fiasco this fall.
My live-in girlfriend (well, now “ex-girlfriend” but that’s another story entirely) wanted tickets to a game for her birthday, so I had to pay the absurd scalper markup (like face value isn’t ridiculously overpriced enough) to go and see them get utterly destroyed by the Arizona Cardinals in person. And during this decided-by-the-2nd-quarter “game,” my section was littered with some of the worst white trash you’ll ever find. My girlfriend and I were verbally assaulted by some disgusting crack-head looking female Bears fan, breaking the law by smoking in my face. The situation escalated to the point that we legitimately believed we were inevitably headed to a physical altercation that might end with a visit to a Chicago Police Station. And when approaching Bears security, they did nothing to help us.
What a great birthday present.
What a great way to spend hundreds of dollars.
And just like with my media relations experience, I learned I was not alone. Another girl celebrating her birthday at that exact game had an even worse experience. Read this Carol Slezak Sun-Times column for the details.
In summation, this relationship I’ve had with the Bears since 1983 has gotten abusive, so I’m walking out. Now it’s time to move on and find a new suitor.
Who will it be?
The Candidates:
New England Patriots- As of right now, this is technically my “favorite team,” the default setting if you will. I use to write about them for a NFL Draft webzine, and the Pats’ success helped my career a lot by granting me additional exposure. The perfect season occurred while I was writing about them, so it was hard not to fall in love with a team so fun to watch, and also hated by so many. But today, I’ve moved on from that gig and not as many people hate the Pats anymore- which makes liking them less fun. Also, despite their just above .500 record, rooting for them still kind of seems like rooting for the Yankees; a practice once described by a stand-up comedian as “like rooting for the house in black jack.”
So, supporting them seems a little frat boy front-runnerish at best, bandwagon douchitude at worst.
Washington Redskins- I spent the holidays at the house of a former Skins cheerleader (’71-’73), my ex-girlfriend’s mother, who gave me a Washington t-shirt for Christmas. Of course, the problem here is the Skins’ ownership is a lot like the Bears brass: arrogant, out-of-touch, financially wasteful and clearly clueless about what they’re doing personnel wise. So leaving the Bears for the Skins is like leaving your white trash, emotionally unstable ex-girlfriend to go and date a broken wing with a tramp stamp and substance abuse issues. Funny how I broke up with both my NFL team and my girlfriend within one month’s span.
Green Bay Packers- A Sports Bank team, and the favorite of some of my closest friends. But adopting them clearly seems like an attempt to get back at the Bears. If you start dating your ex-girlfriend’s most hated rival after you break up with her, you clearly still have feelings for your ex.
Detroit Lions- Well, this would certainly be original, but also excessively masochistic.
I recently did an interview for a Fantasy Football website, NLS Fantasy Football, and the site owner suggested this:
I am sure the Steelers could use a very educated fan like yourself to jump on if you would consider it. Or maybe you can jump on the Saints wagon and see where that takes you.
Interesting that he mentioned the Saints and the Steelers at the same time, because both attract me for the same reason: a former Illinois Fighting Illini player starting at tailback. So naturally I enjoy watching both of these teams already. Of course, following either of them would be obvious bandwagon jumping as no team has won as many Super Bowls as Pittsburgh, and the Saints have that whole potentially perfect season thing going on right now.
Also, following a team based on how many players, or what players specifically, they have from your alma mater is problematic. Players get traded, new rookies enter the league from your school etc. Things are always fluid in the NFL. To paraphrase Nathaniel Hawthorne, “the fortunes of NFL franchises are always rising and falling in America.” Yes, his quote made 400 years ago is indeed apt.
So there are the leading candidates, but I’m certainly open to seeing other teams, and hearing more suggestions. One thing’s for sure though, I’m not going back to the Bears. Maybe I’ll just play the field the rest of the season, spring, summer etc. And then settle down with a new team once fall starts. No need to rush, I just got out of a 26 year relationship.
What horrible traitorous thoughts in the midst of Packer week. So you got your whiny liberal heart crushed by the Monsters of the Midway and you are going to give up on the ghost of Papa Bear Halas? For shame.
Go ahead root for your God-forsaken and immoral patriots. Anybody but the dreaded pack or vikings or lions.
Dude, only a moron would keep coming back for punishment like the a buse they’ve inflicted on me. A sports team is a business, if they give you horrible service, you take your business elsewhere! I don’t take shit from anyone, let alone the most overrated franchise ever.
I do see though that you’ve recognized my mention of the Pack and the Lions was a joke. It will be a cold day in hell before I adopt another NFC NoRTH TEAM
And I believe in individual rights over loyalty to the institution. whatever type of institution that may be.
As long as I’ve been aware of your writing, you’ve haven’t hide your admiration for the Patriots. If only you were patriotic and actually supported policies that favored individual rights then I could believe what you wrote in response to my Packer Week tirade. It’s not the city or deceased founder’s fault the coach .
I meant to complete that thought with Lovie ought to be fired.
I have been having terrible difficulty with the text running outside the viewable text box.
I still fail to see what this essay has to do with my (or anyone else’s for that matter) political beliefs. It doesnt seem relevant.
I do apologize for the whole text wrap thing in the comment box, that really does suck and annoy the hell out of me sometimes, but I haven’t really been able to find a way around it. Lemme talk to my designer/programmer guy again.