We still have a week until Super Bowl 49, and already the idea of “our product relates to the Super Bowl because of reason XYZ” (no, it doesn’t, sorry) has been beaten to death.
The “harrowing bye week that no one enjoys” is now over. And indeed my inbox has made it feel like “the road to the Super Bowl is long and pointless.” At least I will have some Super Bowl free bets to make- that will be fun!
If you had stuff like this e-mailed to you in bulk everyday for two weeks straight you might begin to feel the same.
Here’s Volume I of our WORTHLESS Super Bowl 49 story pitches.
And here’s Volume II of our INANE and POINTLESS Super Bowl 49 story pitches. We’ll see how many more roll in in the VI days between now and Super Bowl XLIX. It’s pretty crazy that I started receiving that XVIII days before the actual game!
We switched up the rules for the third edition of DUMB and WORTHLESS Super Bowl 49 story pitches. Now we’re just excerpting the form letters and letting them stand on their own. No commentary, the inane pitches will speak for themselves.
Also, we’re not redacting the names of the products now. I’ve had a change of heart so I’m leaving them in. Hey, these people wanted me to give free publicity to their crappy products that no one cares about…here you go!
Can Super Bowl 49 please get here so this crap is over with already?
1. With the Super Bowl a little over a week away (and after an NFL season riddled with scandals), we thought this would be the perfect time to introduce you to award-winning non-fiction author I.J. Weinstock and his new novel, Ultra Bowl.
Ultra Bowl is a young adult, sci-fi novel that speculates that technology – which has transformed virtually every area of life – will ultimately transform football too. With both violence and technology escalating, Weinstock highlights a futuristic, 22nd century world where football has morphed into a competition for world domination: nations compete against each other and the players are now robots!
2. Here’s the scoop: On Tuesday, January 27 just days ahead of Super Bowl XLIX, SeatSmart emerges to bring NFL fans’ dreams of attending the big game closer to reality. Thanks to a clever new business model, SeatSmart is selling Super Bowl tickets on average 20 percent lower than other resellers such as StubHub, TicketMaster+, SeatGeek, etc. Similar savings are offered not only for the NFL’s championship game, but also for all major sporting events, concerts and theater productions.
I’d like to share more details under embargo (release/marketplace shots) and set up an interview with the CEO and co-founder of SeatSmart. Are you available today, Monday or Tuesday? If there’s another reporter you recommend I contact, please let me know.
3. According to a first-ever estimate by the American Gaming Association (AGA) released today, Americans will make $3.8 billion worth of illegal bets on this year’s Super Bowl between the New England Patriots and Seattle Seahawks. That figure stands in stark contrast to the approximately $100 million bet legally on the Super Bowl each year. In fact, the illegal market is 38 times greater than the legal one.
4. Super Bowl XLIX is making its way to the Southwest this year, but Ole Smoky Moonshine is ready to tackle the party. Ole Smoky has come up with the perfect party drink to keep your crew going strong through all four quarters – The Phoenix Fumble!
The Phoenix Fumble Recipe:
1.5 oz. of Ole Smoky Apple Pie Moonshine dropped in a half pint of beer
Perfect for even the most diehard fan, all you need is a half pint of beer and a shot of some Apple Pie Moonshine – so easy you won’t have to leave your living room. And when the beer runs dry, just grab a jar and pass it around! Ole Smoky’s great flavors are just as delicious on their own.
5. Besides football, what’s the Super Bowl’s most essential ingredient? Beer! In honor of next Sunday’s big game, the American Homebrewers Association has pitted two special homebrew recipes against each other — one from Washington and the other from New England — for fans to brew and ultimately decide: Which homebrew recipe will be the Super Bowl victor?
Paul M. Banks owns, operates and writes The Sports Bank.net, which is partnered with Fox Sports Digital, eBay, Google News and CBS Interactive Inc. You can read Banks’ feature stories in the Chicago Tribune RedEye newspaper and listen to him on KOZN 1620 The Zone. Follow him on Twitter (@paulmbanks)