The Web’s Mallory Edens obsession conveys horniness of the internet


Mallory Edens accomplished something last night that even Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, one of the greatest players in NBA history, could not. She found a way to make people care about the Milwaukee Bucks in 2014. The team has tried numerous aggressive promotions and extreme ticket price slashing. Yet no one cares. The Bucks allowed fans to have their name placed on the court, and even featured Abdul-Jabbar reprising his role from the classic film “Airplane.”

Again, crickets chirping.

But hey, Mallory Edens, the hot 18 year old daughter of co-owner Wes Edens represents the team at the 2014 NBA Draft Lottery…and now we’re actually talking about something related to the small market NBA franchise in Chicago’s greatest suburb.


For the past 18 hours or so, it’s been Mallory Edens this and Mallory Edens that. All because of two, just two cut-aways by the ESPN cameras.

No 18 year old has ever accomplished anything that deserves 35,000 new Twitter followers overnight. (Other than Alexander the Great, but I don’t think they had the micro blogging platform in his day) But Mallory Edens ’ Twitter account did just that. Prior to her moment on ESPN, Mallory Edens had 249 followers. Just over an hour later she had been followed by 12,300 people. By this morning, she hit the mid 30sK. I know this because every sports blog and every sports talk radio show is focusing on Mallory Edens.


Here’s the video of Mallory Edens in action.

Unless you’ve found a cure for cancer or negotiated an everlasting peace in the Middle East, you don’t deserve to gain 35,000 followers in a day. You just don’t. Yes, Mallory Edens is very attractive. Yes, Mallory Edens is extremely wealthy. But that doesn’t mean she should be a celebrity. This is just Lauren Ufer a.k..a Lauren Tannehill, Jenn Sterger, Rebecca Grant and Katherine Webb all over again.

On the web, horny bastards are out in full force. And they’re extremely creepy in their search terms to find these women. Mallory Edens is yet another lesson in this. Like we needed re-affirming. Every day I check the site stats and see the search terms that drive traffic, I get a reminder of this. Like Jenny Dell the other day:


 Or Lauren Tannehill a couple months ago:

Mallory Edens, you’re up now! I can only imagine what words are appearing in search strings alongside Mallory Edens today.

Nope, on second thought I don’t want to know.

Paul M. Banks owns The Sports, an affiliate of Fox Sports. He’s also a frequent guest on national talk radio. Banks, a former contributor to NBC Chicago and the Washington Times, has been featured in numerous outlets including, Forbes and the History Channel. President Barack Obama follows him on Twitter (@paulmbanks)


  1. She is just a normal looking girl–just average looking–what is the big deal?

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