That’s not a batting average!
And she’s not on the softball team.
That was her BAC. (Was it accurate? Seems fishy)
This is what a .341 does to you, according to the Federal Aviation Administration
She’s the #1 “partyer” at the #1 party school. She’s like a female version of that Bert guy from Florida State in the ’90s. (The frat guy Rolling Stone did a feature on. His campaign speech to be Alpha Tau Omega President was just him getting naked and having a bowel movement in a pizza box)
According to the University of Iowa Police report, Samantha Goudie was arrested at the home of Iowa Hawkeyes football for:
“Public Intox at Kinnick Stadium at 1321 hours. Goudie was stopped for trying to enter the field. Goudie was unsteady on her feet. Goudie blew .341 PBT.”
What’s frightening is that she was able to stand somehow at .341. And she supposedly stormed the Iowa Hawkeyes playing field during their upset loss to Northern Illinois. And now Deadspin made her a star. And the rest of the internet followed suit (including myself now apparently since I’m writing this).
Well, move over Rebecca Martinson, (University of Maryland Delta Gamma with the INSANE rambling hostile email and racist Tweets, and later was forced to resign), there’s a new Big Ten conference co-ed who is famous for doing nothing. Well, not famous for doing nothing.
Famous for doing the wrong things.
Samantha Goudie is on Twitter, with a handle that includes the word vodka (SURPRISE). If you saw some of her past tweets, you can see why Al Qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah and the Mujahideen etc. hate America. Because America is where Samantha Goudie not only exists, but has also become an internet celebrity.
And yes, that’s really her Profile picture. And yes, that’s really her background pic. Some sports blogs have embedded some of her choicest Tweets, but it will take you like three weeks to scroll through her timeline now because she just keeps re-tweeting other people kissing her ass online, and it clogs up her timeline.
I gained like 6000 followers today and I’m over here just slapping the bag #wineme
— Samantha Goudie (@Vodka_samm) September 2, 2013
Paul M. Banks is the owner of The Sports Bank.net, an affiliate of Fox Sports. An analyst for 95.7 The Fan, he also writes on Chicago sports media for Chicago Now. President Obama follows him on Twitter (@paulmbanks)