You listen to Tim McCarver, Skip Bayless, or even worse yet, Jemele Hill and it makes you wonder “how does this person have a job?” Not only they do have a broadcasting gig, but it’s one with a very large footprint. There is no justice in the world.
The Big Ten Network version of that is Tim Doyle. As a player at Northwestern, he seemed to always be around and accumulate stats despite possessing no discernible talent. He’s the exact same as an announcer. Doyle is like Dick Vitale, he RUINS every game he calls. He’s so bad that he makes CBS 2’s Ryan Baker look good by comparison. And that’s really hard to do because Baker pulls off the impossible combination of being both bland/boring and annoying/irritating at the same time.
This past Saturday, Doyle and Baker co-hosted a horrid Big Ten Preview show on CBS and Doyle gave us this gem about Northwestern’s offense: “at times they could put a glass eye to sleep?” What does that even mean?
From Total College Sports Network to CBS to BTN, how does this guy keep getting work? Doyle is to broadcasting what Tim Beckman is to coaching. The glass eye comment is one of a thousand stupid things he’s said on air. To list them all would take 40,000 words.
Here are some of the worst things ever uttered on air by Doyle, and they’re guaranteed to dumb you down.
In 2009: “Trent Meachem is one of the best outside shooters in the nation”
Meachem had his moments at Illinois, but he was still generally considered a very weak link and a personification of a very dark time in Illini hoops history. Eric Gordon, also known as “Basketball Judas,” defected from the Illini to the Hoosiers at the last possible moment, leaving Illinois a huge void at two guard. Then freshman phenom Jamar Smith had his sophomore year. It included defying coaches’ orders to go to a tequila party where he got homeless drunk, tried to drive in the worst blizzard of the year, wrecked a car and didn’t call 9-1-1 when he thought he had accidentally killed teammate Brian Carlwell (who was knocked unconscious).
As bad as that all was, the two guard was somehow given a couple more chances at Illinois, but he never got his life together, and had to leave school.
The emergency shooting guard was Compton native Quinton Watkins, but he wasn’t able to make the academic cut and never suited up in Champaign. So that’s how Meachem, a transfer from Dayton, got the starting two-guard gig, only after all these disappointments. He was the Illini fourth choice; which says everything I need to say about his ability/talent. And the recruiting classes of Bruce Weber.
Best shooters in the nation, Tim?
In 2011, “Dan Persa is having the best year of his career”
Well, let’s see in 2010 he had much more playing time, was 100% healthy until the final two minutes of the third to last regular season game and broke a record for completion percentage. Versus ’11 when he didn’t even play until week 4 and missed significant time in half of the games he did actually play. And his team was worse.
In 2010-11: “Sipping on John & Juice,” “Johnny Cash”
His nicknames for John Shurna and Juice Thompson. Maybe I would have a chance of possibly finding this funny if anyone else other than Doyle came up with it. Is he over-hyping players from his alma mater? Yes, but he over-hypes players from every Big Ten school, so that’s fair and balanced; I guess.
Last season: “Ryan Evans has a little bit of Alando Tucker in him”
Huh? The fifth best player on the 2011-12 team and large disappointment this season is not comparable to the school’s all-time leading scorer. Some guy known mostly for having the worst haircut in all of college basketball (a flat top that belongs in a 1991 Kid n Play movie and needs to stay there) doesn’t exactly measure up with a NBA first round draft pick.
Last season: “Nebraska is a lock to make the NCAA Tournament”
In what sport? Because you have got to be KIDDING ME if you’re saying men’s basketball- which you did. Did you look at their RPI, SOS, key wins and bad losses? I guess if the field expands to 192 they might have a shot. I understand Doyle’s job at BTN requires cheerleading the conference whenever possible, but to be devoid of reality only makes the viewer dumber.
“They’re like the Kardashians right now, they’re getting everything they want.”
Although I certainly agree with you in theory that all things Kardashian truly suck at life (at least, I hope you were pointing out how ridiculously fortunate and untalented the Kardashian sisters are) this comment is LAME. It comes off like a topical reference/pop culture mention rammed down your throat. Sadly, the world has one Stu Scott already, please don’t give us another.
Last season: “Montee Ball and Russell Wilson are the greatest backfield in college football history”
You can actually make a case for this argument as Ball had the single season touchdown record, and Wilson had the passing efficiency record. However, over-the-top hyperbole like this is…simply mindless conference jingoism. Best Sconnie backfield of all time, certainly. Best Big 10? Possibly. Best ever? settle down man.
Paul M. Banks is CEO of The Sports Bank.net, a Google News site generating millions of unique visitors. He’s also a regular contributor to Chicago Now, Chicago Tribune.com, Walter Football.com, Yardbarker, and Fox Sports
A Fulbright scholar, published author and MBA, Banks has appeared on live radio all over the world; he’s also a member of the Football Writers Association of America, U.S. Basketball Writers Association, and Society of Professional Journalists. The President of the United States follows him on Twitter (@Paul_M_BanksTSB) You should too.Follow paulmbanks