More than likely, Kate Upton will never again tweet a selfie featuring a shot glass in between her boobs. And that’s unfortunate. We can say with near certainty that Kate Upton will never tweet again how much the New York Jets (led by her ex-boyfriend Mark Sanchez) suck at football. Or joke about how bad Notre Dame got destroyed by Alabama. And that’s too bad. She won’t be doing any sexy dances courtside in a NBA arena in the near future. Que Lastima!
If she does date any more MLB Cy Young Award winners, her handlers will make sure we don’t get knowledge of it. So that’s a bummer too.
Sadly, the days of Kate Upton being interesting are long over. Which means her popularity has also plateaued. And it only goes downhill from here. From early 2011 to about March 2013, any time Kate Upton did well, anything at all, it was worth throwing a quick post up about it. She was simply search engine gold.
Today, on her 21st birthday, not so much. (Note: this op-ed, one of the tops of 2013, ran on June 10th)
Kate Upton is no longer an SEO bonanza because
1.) everyone writes about her today, so there’s competition with every slapdick with a blog for SERP rankings and she’s now gotten played out. It’s a little bit like that Yogi Berraism: “no one goes to that restaurant, because it’s too crowded.” Or it’s like tweeting #becauseitsthecup in your Stanley Cup Final tweets. Everyone else does it, so what’s the point?
2.) Kate Upton has gotten so vanilla that she’s crossed into Danica Patrick or Jimmie Johnson territory. Neither Danica nor JJ ever say anything even close to print worthy in public these days. Kate Upton has followed suit.
In short, they’re all over-managed and hyper-corporatized. When people like this reach a certain level they cease to be provocative and fun. Kate Upton was both. She was quite savvy in social media. It factored into getting her where she is today.
There’s no reason to follow her on Twitter. She’s too boring. Like 0-0 soccer match in extra time boring.
She’s still the hottest woman alive and a huge celebrity. But she’s not going to be any bigger. The larger you become, the more beholden to your corporate sponsors you are, and hence the less worth talking about. Because if there’s one thing corporations don’t want, it’s controversy. Big companies live on blandness.
So unless Kate Upton does something really big, or something really big happens to her, I don’t see a point in doing another post on her. If Kate Upton gets another Super Bowl ad or baseball video game promotion…..DONNNNNNNNNNNNN’TTTTT CARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE!
Yes, I just gave a don’t care to Kate Upton. Me, who’s had a Kate Upton based revenue model for the past 18 months still believe she’s last week’s news.
Same thing happened with Erin Andrews last summer. Remember three years ago when we called her “Erin Pageviews?” That’s history now.
However, at least both Erin Andrews and Kate Upton used their body and their photogenic personality to go a lot farther than Katherine Webb. AJ McCarron’s girlfriend was so OVERSATURATED during the months of January and February. She has about as much personality as a rusty door nail. Katherine Webb got dismissed from the national consciousness because listening to her speak was about as interesting as listening to an aluminum siding salesman tell you about his day.
Kate Upton has the ability to be interesting. It’s just that her handlers make sure that she is not. Therefore, people stopped searching for her. Hence, no point in really writing about her.
Until next SI swimsuit issue.
See you next February.
Paul M. Banks is the owner of The Sports Bank.net. (“Quasi-endorsed” by Philadelphia Eagles Coach Chip Kelly) He’s also an author who also contributes regularly to MSN, Fox Sports , Chicago Now, Walter Football.com and YardbarkerPowered by Sidelines Follow paulmbanks