By Paul M. Banks
Perhaps the best compliment one can get is a backlash. Because backlash can only occur when someone or something has become popular enough…to be overexposed and start turning people off. This fall, the Tim Tebow backlash will take off!
From the beginning of my hate-hate relationship with University of Florida QB Tim Tebow, I noticed the supposed chinks in his armor. He was home-schooled throughout high school, but under Florida law was still allowed to play organized ball in the district where he lived, which was also questionable itself because he made a special move to an apartment in Jacksonville in order to play for pass-happy Nease High. So my first impression of the “onward Christian soldiers” QB is that he’s the creepy home-schooled kid who also grew up to be the BMOC at the biggest jock school in the country. That in itself is an interesting story; but not after it’s been told 536, 756 times.
Today, Tebow acolytes have created numerous websites fawning over him. Some claim Tebow is the highest form of biological evolution, but maybe Tebow doesn’t believe in evolution, so who knows if he’d be flattered or not by that comment. According to Eastern Seaboard Programming Network, and the rest of the mainstream media who have whored him these past three years, the Gators QB is Superman, God, Jesus, or simply what happens when someone artificially (or perhaps immaculately) makes a child with from the raw material of Jesus, God and Superman.
Of course, even I’ll admit that he’s a very good football player, but it makes me nauseous that I have to spend yet another college football season getting even more sick and tired of hearing about him. Yes he wins championships and awards but he also spends a great deal of time yelling and acting like a moron. Yet people claim he’s such a good leader. That he’s “fiery” and “energetic.”
He’s simply football Tyler Hansbrough. Part of the reason he has all those records and awards…he wasn’t good enough to leave school early!
I don’t have a problem with Tebow being a devoted Christian, to each his or her own. But the pious evangelical Christianity that he and the PR people at UF flaunt at every opportunity: like his trips abroad to circumsize the penises of the unwashed is condescending. It’s like legislating morality upon us. Yes, we know he passes on the boobies and drunken debauchery on spring break in order to help Third World people shed the epitome of sin that is the foreskin, and that’s fine that he chooses to do it, but do we have to be told OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!
No college athlete in the history of sports has had the entire press roll over as lapdogs for him. A journalist actually asked him at an SEC media day, “Why are you special?” Seriously, whoever did that needs their credentials forever revoked NOW.
There are plenty of experts saying his skills will translate to the next level and he will become a NFL star. And there are plenty of experts saying his skills won’t. So maybe after this season, he’ll only be a glorified Chase Daniel. In the 2010s, Tebow might remembered as the Sarah Palin of college football, a flash-in-the-pan who was essentially much ado about nothing.
Actually, I think God himself truly hates Tim Tebow. This may shock you when you consider all that he has going for him- (just look at the picture I led the article off with) pretty much anything and everything a dude could ask for. But this is why I know an almighty creator would despise Tebow.
Think about all the smoking hot slags at the school he goes to, and about how all his overcoverage and publicity makes all those panties drop for him. And what’s a primary belief among evangelical Christians? That any form of sex not within the confines of marriage and exclusively for the purpose of reproduction is heathen, immoral and will certainly bring plagues upon us all.
So if he wants to stay super Christy, Tebow can’t sleep with any of that tail he attracts. Seems like a horrible trick or prank for The Creator to play on him, so perhaps he hates him as much as I do. Or as much as I hate ESPN and company for fawning over him any chance they get.
ESPN has had like four Tebow stories today- and the season is still more than 6weeks away!