Say this for the Iowa State Cyclones, they were even and balanced. If you look at their national college football rankings in the major statistical areas, they’re pretty consistent…and awful. On offense: 99th in yards, 95th in passing, 72nd in rushing and 97th in scoring. On defense: 76th in scoring, 93rd in rushing 64th in passing, 87th in total yards.
It reminds me of this big-boobed, but lacking in personality girl on my softball team. In the playoffs I got fed up and told her how much she sucks at softball. She called me a curse word. So I said, “but at least you’re consistent, fair and balanced.” She was like” what?” I responded, “I’ve seen you play beach volleyball, and you’re just as incompetent there as well.”
And that ladies and gentlemen, is what your Iowa State Cyclones were in 2010.
2010 was: to good college football what smoking and tramp stamps are to desirable traits in women. See above for the train wrecky numbers. How did they go 5-7? Luck, providence, circumstance, chance, flukiness or divine intervention? And for some reason, I believe all these things will be on their side in even greater capacity this year. Why else would I rank them this high?
BMOCs: RB Shontrelle Johnson, whoever wins the derby in training camp this fall. I’m pulling for Steele Jantz WRs Darius (Darks and Reynolds), CB Leonard Johnson is a Thorpe award candidate.
And he’s not really that talented or good, but DE Jacob Lattimer will start this year.
Iowa State actually has a starting DE named Lattimer just like in “The Program” the greatest college football movie of all time. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
STARTING DEFENSE! PLACE AT THE TABLE! RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
2011 will be fruitful if: the no name defense gels like it should. The unit should be very cohesive and keep them in ball games. The ground game should not be too atrocious. So figure out the passing game and Ames, Iowa, you may just be in business.
2011 will be awful if: The ‘clones offense embarrasses itself again and can’t complement and underrated and improving defense. 2/3 bowl eligible years in Paul Rhoads tenure would be impressive, but there’s no Seneca Wallace here at QB. In fact I’m not sure if Iowa State really has any idea what their answer will be at quarterback. If/when the offense struggles, it could be another below .500 campaign in 2011.
Bottom Line: Can the Big 12 get 8/10 teams into a bowl? ISU should be better than both Kansas and Kansas State. And that preconference schedule looks somewhat tough on paper, but it’s really not. If they can upset the Iowa Hawkeyes for the Cy-Hawk trophy I think it would set the tone for the season. It would give them confidence early on. But if I were a betting man, I’d another 5-7 looks probable.
ISU Rankings: #63 Athlon, #73 Lindy’s, #84 Phil Steele (as you can see I’m being ridiculously generous to these guys)
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Paul M. Banks is CEO of The Sports Bank.net. He’s also a regular contributor to Chicago Now, Walter Football.com, Yardbarker, and Fox Sports You can follow him on Twitter