NCAA Championship Drinking Game

By: David K. and Peter Christian

Do you really have zero interest in watching the NCAA Tournament Championship between North Carolina and Michigan State?  Neither do David K. and Peter Christian.  But rather than spurning the title game to watch a below-average season of 24, play our NCAA Championship Drinking Game.  Brackets Busted?  Who cares, get completely and utterly inebriated thanks to the likes of Lupe Izzo and Tyler Hansbrough!

Anytime one of the following events occurs during the game, take the required amount of drinks:

If CBS shows a cutaway shot of Lupe Izzo or Magic Johnson in the crowd: one drink

If Magic Johnson exhales and his gut rips through his too tight State shirt: waterfall

If Lupe Izzo shows any sense of emotion as to what is taking place on the court: down a bottle of rubbing alcohol

If Tyler Hansbrough is referred to as “Psycho-T”: have your friends give you a shower using the Franzia wine spigot as your shower head

If you see Tyler Hansbrough blink: body shot off the hairiest guy in the room

If Tyler Hansbrough does any sort of fist or arm pump: bong a beer, then jump off the roof of a house into a pool

If Tyler Hansbrough “sprites” a dunk (definition of sprite: get stuffed by the rim or have the ball bounce wildly off the back of the rim):  pretend to do a shot of gin, but instead throw it in the person’s face sitting next to you

If Travis Walton is referred to as the Big Ten’s Defensive Player of the Year or Kailin Lucas as the Big Ten Player of the Year: shotgun a can of PBR

If Jim Nantz refers to The Masters as “a tradition unlike any other”: drink a glass of scotch

If Clark Kellogg cackles at a dumb Jim Nantz line: four jell-o shots

If Jim Nantz references that the UNC players returned to school to get to this point: shot of tequila sans lime and salt

If it’s mentioned that this game is being played about 90 miles from MSU’s campus: shot of Fleischman’s vodka

If the first UNC-Michigan State game is mentioned: double shot of Boone’s Farm

If Michigan State wins: run to the bar, buy a round of Jager, and put it on Paul M. Banks tab

If Michigan State wins and Tyler Hansbrough cries: pop a bottle of Cristal

If North Carolina wins: drive to Minneapolis, buy shots of SoCo and lime for Peter until he blacks out and forgets UNC won

If you cry during “One Shining Moment”: chug a bottle of Puckers until you throw up