Sox vs. Brew Crew Exchange- Round 1

By Paul M. Banks and Melissa S. Wollering

This weekend, the I-94 rivalry stretches further South. A rare match-up pairing the Milwaukee Brewers with the Chicago White Sox gives Paul M. Banks and Melissa S. Wollering (who both suspiciously use initials in their names) a chance to banter about inter-league ball. The Brewers and Sox are separated by 15 teams in the MLB Power Rankings, with Milwaukee ranked #5 this week. Still, the two teams have a fair amount in common–including two bullpens which are among some of the best in the Majors.

MSW: I think Milwaukee Brewers fans are just excited to forget about the Chicago Cubs for one weekend. I’m personally going to pretend they do not exist until Monday. When is the last time we played each other outside of spring ball? 2001 or something?

PMB: It was 2001 because I was at that series–which forced Jose Canseco to abandon his DH post and play RF. Surprisingly, it was not that much of an adventure. Ah yes- the Canseco in Chicago era, how I missed those days. Canseco will be vindicated when historians speak of the steroid era, he might even say “history will be kind to me, as I intend to write it” a la Sir Winston Churchill. And 2005′s “Juiced” is “the first draft of history.”

Moving on to power rankings…WHOOO CARRRRRESSSS?! I have no faith in any of those, and there is absolutely no science behind them…except The Sports Bank.net Big Ten Power Rankings, those are pure objective science and are never incorrect.

MSW: Cold Rocky Mountain refreshment and altitude sickness zapped what “power” this Brewers had this week. You win that argument. I do believe TSB’s Big Ten Power Rankings are a divinely-inspired compilation of pure truth. Therefore, I highly recommend checking them out.

Meantime , I am curious to see the starting pitching match-ups for this Sox/Crew series. Friday is Clayton Richard against Jeff Suppan, who is coming off 5 1/3 innings of shutout work in Atlanta. Soup hasn’t pitched against the White Sox since 2003, when he wore those other color Sox. Then it’s Jose Contreras against Manny Parra Saturday. Hmm…why do I have this feeling I’ll be groaning from the Loge Level that night, yet it will be heard ’round Miller Park’? Parra took a pea-shooter and spit away 26 earned runs over his last four starts. That means Contreras could dominate as long as his Achilles continues to hold up. I don’t know about another 115 pitches, like he did after spanking the Tigers on Monday. But all that matters is that he’s NOT Parra.

PMB: Yep, at times this season Parra has looked like a guy who should be pitching for the Schaumburg Flyers or Joliet Jackhammers, or another one of those unaffiliated minor league teams. I’m not ready to say ‘Contreras is back’ just because of one good outing, but he certainly did get a few kinks out during his stay in Charlotte. Also, your thoughts on Mark Buehrle against Braden Looper?

By the way, I use my middle initial in everything, so that Google will know the difference between myself and the Interpol lead singer with MY NAME. It’s like that sorority girl I made out with sophomore year: Denise Richards. Obviously, it’s not the exact same girl as the host of the new E! series (which would be the perfect show to have on in a hospital recovery room for patients who’ve just been lobotomized) but hey…I can still say I once hooked up with Denise Richards. So why do you use the S. in your byline?

MSW: I can’t top your Denise Richards story as my reason. However, subconsciously the ‘S’ in my name helps people digest the 7 characters before it and the 9 characters after it. Why? America most commonly associates the letter ‘S’ with the word ‘sexy’. You think I’m kidding. It’s scientifically and statistically researched that using ‘S’ (which is my true middle initial) is more favorable than omitting it.

Back to Base S. Ball (see…it works), both Buehrle and Looper have faced members of the opposing teams as relievers, but I hope it will be a semi-even match-up when they start against each other Sunday. Buehrle is consistent. Braden started out strong this season but has been less than stellar his last several outings. Onto the relief pitching now. Both teams have had a smoldering hot bullpen at times this season. Is this where we might see some fireworks?

PMB: Closing for the Brewers was a Sysiphean task until ‘Hells Bells’ arrived. Was he elected Jesus of Miller Park, like the way Jay Cutler was annointed the son of Man in Chicago upon his arrival? Prior to ’09, your team’s bullpen reminded me of Bears quarterbacking.

MSW: Remember, Eric Gagne was once thought to be our born-again savior? When we picked up Trevor Hoffman…revolting flashbacks appeared via dream to Mother Mary. Fortunately, Jesus was born and 15 saves later, Trevor Hoffman is making San Diego look like Pontius Pilate and Miller Park resemble Nazareth. As for the rest of our bullpen, DiFelice is back and I’m pumped about it. Stetter has been hot with 4 K’s in just over an inning Tuesday. Coffey has been steeped and brewed. The newbie Chris Smith isn’t terrible. Jorge Julio is GONE.

I’m fairly jacked to see former Milwaukee Brewer Scottie Podsednik in action; he’s given the Sox some stability in the lineup as of late. I am going to watch A.J. Pierzynski and Paul Konerko, but I have to call Soxman’s team out for being the fifth worst team in the Majors in runs, hits and total bases. Not to mention, no team has fewer extra base hits. Sorry, Banks. Cue Conan O’Brien’s “WHY, WHY ME GOD!” cry here.

PMB: I said on Monday: you must take at least of 4 of the 5 game set with first place Detroit or it’s white flag for ’09. They took just 2, so now it’s hey, the NBA Draft is on the 25th! Yey! Bears report to Bourbonnaiss in late July. I know it’s just June, but anyone who thinks the Sox have a prayer this season are delusional or in denial. This offense is so reliant on the home run, plays in one of MLB’s biggest launching pads, and doesn’t hit home runs! So what’s not to love?

It’s a good thing Bernie Brewer doesn’t have this lineup on his side, otherwise that slide would get very little use! As long as the Cubs stay down because of their injuries, I can see the Milw as the NL Central favorite down the stretch- due to their lineup. Why on Earth are you excited to see A.J.?

MSW: Because Pierzynski was also a wrestler for Total Nonstop Action Wrestling. That’s it. Speaking of the long-ball, Braun has been decent but not his usual homer-smacking self in the last two weeks. Corey Hart and JJ Hardy have been struggling. Actually, Prince Fielder is pulling the weight (no pun intended) lately; something I didn’t expect so soon after his boy Rickie left the lineup for season-ending surgery. Last week, Fielder reeled in a .440 average with 3 homers and 6 RBI. We need to fish for more hits though. The homer-reliance strategy can only take you so far in a season. That’s good, honest Brew truth at a tasty price.

PMB: Since they’re the “Brewers,” they should be all about “tapping the Rockies.” (We need a beer sponsor for this site badly.) Well, at least your team didn’t have to call up last year’s #1 draft pick out of desperation, and then have the guy he replaced ask the press what’s going with his getting benched. You suck ass Josh Fields, that’s what’s going on. Although I respect your speaking up, you asked the easiest question possible..Anyways, bottoms up in Milwaukee. Pass me a couple Leinenkugel honeybears…it’s the only way I can tolerate watching the Sox this year.

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