I know it just seems like hopping on the pile now to dive into a discussion about MLB umpiring issues, instant replay and Jim Joyce but how could I leave the issue alone? I was mighty tempted to dedicate an entire column just to Jim Joyce the night that he blew the infamous call but I withheld because I wanted to keep my wits about me and not say anything that was undeserving. As it turns out, that was probably the best thing to do. The more time that has passed since Armando Galarraga’s fake perfect game the more I’ve realized that Jim Joyce shouldn’t be the target of my ire. There are other people and organizations that are much more deserving of that spite. More after the jump.
By Peter Christian
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In the past few weeks since this column has returned from it’s sabbatical I have attempted to be a little less jaded in selecting the candidates for each week’s list. Last year, a friend of mine commented that the Call Outs had simply become an avenue for me to rip into people I didn’t like rather than putting said people in their place for actions they committed. While I hate admitting that particular friend was right, he was onto something. This week I turn that angst to a gaggle of people who bitch and moan about the show “Lost” and it’s twisting plots and the confusing direction the show took towards its ultimate finale. Our very own Mr. Banks is one of these people. My message to these people is simple (but not so short): “Shut the Hell up or stop watching.”
“Lost” haters leads off our list after the jump.
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by Peter Christian
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I’m not breaking news or anything but if you are in the twilight of your career and are making the final $2 million you’ll likely make as a professional baseball player, it’s probably a good idea to be ready when your manager needs you. When you’re making your farewell tour for a team that has struggled offensively, don’t fall asleep in the clubhouse when you may be needed as a pinch hitter. Just a thought. Then again I’m just a chubby guy who watches baseball from my couch and the guy sleeping is Ken Griffey Jr. who has hit 630 bombs in the bigs. Just sayin. Griffey Jr. and more of the list after the jump.
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by Peter Christian
Yes, you read that headline correctly, the Call Outs are back! The triumphant return of my column could not have come at a better time. While the Call Outs were on vacation there were more than a few major injustices that will, luckily for them, go unmentioned. But the silence can go on no longer. The latest event of sports idiocy was even something we all saw coming, yet when it actually happened, we were even more as shocked and appalled than we anticipated we would be. Still there were 7 idiots who voted for someone OTHER than LeBron James as the 2009-10 NBA MVP. That leads off our list after the jump.
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by Peter Christian
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Sometimes, the process of a new “Call-Outs” column is hard. Sometimes I just don’t care enough to be a dick about some idiot spouting off, or some entity making ridiculously bad decisions or the tool-ish behavior of some athlete/celebrity. The past two weeks definitely fall into that category. Maybe it was the depression set off by the dead of winter in Minnesota or maybe it was the kick to the kidney and punch to the diaphragm combo that was the Vikings NFC Championship loss (I swear I won’t bitch about that game for much longer). More than likely it was a deadly mixture of both that has taken my state of mind and put it into a industrial grade blender and hit liquefy every couple hours. Nonetheless, I’ve collected enough thoughts to present them to you, so, as always, enjoy.
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by Peter Christian
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OK, after nearly a week’s worth of avoiding Sportscenter, barely looking on the internet and putting off writing this column for fear of going into a 20,000 word rant about why the Vikings are like a disease of venereal nature, I think I’m back to being in a good enough mental state to effectively verbally donkey punch the idiots of the sports and pop culture world without sending my psyche into a tailspin that even good ‘ole Sully Sullenberger couldn’t save. That all said, I’m definitely not in a mood to say that I “enjoyed” anything this week.
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by Peter Christian
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Its now two-thousand-ten, or twenty-ten or whatever we’re going to end up calling this decade (I prefer the rare but much awesomer two-oh-one-oh to both options, but I’m in the minority. Oh, and I’m aware that “awesomer” isn’t a word yet, but I think that will be added to the Oxford English Dictionary as soon as we determine how to collectively say what year we just began) but one thing will remain the same. Just as we closed out 2008 and built up through last year, The Call-Outs are still going to be coming at you week after week. After David Kahn took home the “Kevin McHale Memorial Call-Out of the Year” award, we are ready to deliver the very first edition of the new year. Sit back and enjoy!
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by Peter Christian
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We’ve traveled the journey of naming Call-Outs each week, to nominating the worst offenders of the year, paring down the nominees to semi-finalists and finalists and finally we are at the moment of truth. The announcement of the 1st Annual Call-Out of the Year Award (naming rights are currently in negotiations). We don’t have the budget of the Downtown Athletic Club to fly our finalists to sit on stage as we read their accomplishments so I’ll just tell you who the finalists are (or if you want to read them click here): Tiger Woods, Rick Reilly, the NHL and David Kahn.
We also don’t have a budget for a boring commercial break so we’ll get right to it….
The winner of the Kevin McHale Memorial (we got the negotiations done just in time) Call-Out of the Year Award is:
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by Peter Christian
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Yesterday we cut the nominees down to 8 semi-finalists, now in College Football Award fashion we (and btw, every time I say “we” I totally mean “I” but I’d like to think that someday there will be a committee that handles the weekly selection of the Call-Outs so I say “we” as a measure for future continuity) will announce the list of finalists first, then announce the winner in a completely meaningless manner that is a huge waste of time to all involved. Wait, not that the announcement of the Call-Out of the Year is a waste of time, but we are just doing it in the same fashion… oh whatever, your finalists for the 2009 COOY are:
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by Peter Christian
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The Nominees have been named, we had a week to mull them over here at the Call-Out HQ and without further ado here are your 2009 COOY Semi-Finalists who had some very noteworthy moronic behavior but were outshined by the best of the worst:
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By Peter Christian
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It’s been quite a 1st year for the Call-Outs. We had our name and main idea stolen by the people of Democrats.org, we were tweeted “Shame on you” back in August by someone named Cody Crossman (no word as to what for), we attempted to start a bit of an internet rivalry with the hack over at Miller Park Drunk (he declined to counter my attack) and we even stopped our tradition of calling out the Oklahoma City Thunder week after week (because let’s be honest, the Timberwolves make the Thunder look like the ’72 Lakers).
Most of all however, we’ve had a good time poking fun at the idiots and douches of the world each week. With the year winding down its time to take a peek at the pared down list of nominees who are vying for the undisputed title of “Call-Out of the Year.”
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By Peter Christian
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Read The Call-Outs: Extended Edition Part I
Read The Call-Outs: Extended Edition Part II
Comcast
So let me get this straight, Comcast can afford to pay $6 billion to purchase NBC from Universal but then turns around to DirecTV to say that they need MORE money from their biggest competitor in order for the satellite provider to carry the cable network that it owns? How the Hell does that make sense?
The corporate bully of Comcast has such a skewed view of ethics in the business place that Eric Gordon from “Billy Madison” would look at their corporate practices and say, “that’s effed up.”
Meanwhile, Comcast is leaving Versus (cable network that they own) to struggle for pennies on the dollar because it is no longer getting the money from DirecTV all while floundering under the big money television contracts the network shelled out to the NHL, the Tour de France and the UFL. I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if Comcast next tried to make DirecTV and other cable and satellite providers pay extra to have access to NBC. Comcast’s slogan might be “It’s Comcastic” but the general public should know what their customers already know… They’re Crap-tastic.
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By Peter Christian
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Read The Call-Outs: Extended Edition Part I
Tim Tebow
Hey, Tim! I’ll keep this short for you so you can go polish off that ridiculous plaque back in Gainesville… maybe if you spent a little bit more time learning how to throw a fricking spiral and didn’t constantly rely on your amazingly talented teammates to bail you out by making highlight reel catches and pancake blocks you wouldn’t have to look like a pussy and cry on national TV after you got exposed for being a fraud of a quarterback. And if you are going to constantly rely on said amazing teammates to make you look like a shell of the greatest college quarterback ever, stand up and give them some credit. The media eats your shit like Skittles, tell the media you DON’T deserve all the credit. Tell them that you couldn’t have won a national championship without Percy Harvin or Chris Leak or Brandon Spikes or even Carlos Dunlap. Tell them that you aren’t a great QUARTERBACK, but that you are a hard working football player that makes damn sure his teammates know who the leader is and who is going to get in their face if they half ass it. Don’t, not for one second, however, go on pretending that you are any better than a Tommie Frazier, Charlie Ward, Ken Dorsey, Gino Toretta and Chris Weinke because they, [More …]
By Peter Christian
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WOW! This past week has been filled with some truly stupid and asinine actions and behaviors in the real world. Maybe word got out that this was going to be the last week of the regular “Call-Out” format before shifting into a Best of 2009 mode for the next three weeks and everyone wanted to make sure they put forth their best effort to make the year end list (not a good thing, btw)? Or maybe the onset of the holiday season has made people go bat shit crazy? I like that explanation much better. Let’s get to crackin’.
This week I enjoyed: Wisconsin beating Duke, Badger players rocking the Kid N’ Play dance, Kimbo Slice vs. Houston Alexander, Saturday Night Live (Woman’s Bowling Sketch), Jersey Shore
Jersey Shore
Yes, you are reading that correctly… I am calling out the new MTV show “Jersey Shore” mere moments after declaring I enjoyed it. Although, simply saying I enjoyed it is a nominee for grandest understatement of the decade. It is an amazingly entertaining show. As I stated to David Kay after we had both been mesmerized by the two hour premiere, “It’s the greatest collection of truly awful human beings on the same television show ever… It’s like they injected “The Real World” with steroids and stupidity and then lifted the no fighting rule. It’s like crack for my eyeballs.”
*(For a [More …]
By Peter Christian
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This (and Last) week I enjoyed: Joe Mauer’s MVP Award, Thanksgiving Feasts (x2), Food Network’s Thanksgiving preparations, catching up on “Flash Forward,” Feast Week, Portland Pilots, Mustached Minnesota Wild players
Tiger Woods and Family
Most days I’d trade lives with Tiger Woods in a hummingbird’s heartbeat. These last couple days would be the exception to the rule. It isn’t that often that you expect a guy who is worth 10 quadrillion dollars to wake up and have the first thought that goes through his head be, “Make it stop.”
That’s Tiger’s life right now. Even though he still has a yacht load of money (and a couple yachts, I’m sure), a beautiful wife and a healthy child, Tiger is in the dumps. And while there are going to be plenty of Tiger apologists (2 or 3 of my former roommates included) the glaring fact is that it’s his own damn fault.
I just don’t understand why Tiger thinks we (the general public, the media, the fans, the entire population of the world etc.) are such idiots to believe the lunacy being spewed from his and his publicist’s mouths. How does he not give some people more deductive credit? The probability of his current story (inexplicable accident, followed by wife saving him by bashing the rear window in with a golf club) being totally true is about 9 trillion to one.
Was there [More …]
By Paul M. Banks
Have you ever met a girl who’s barely a 6 out of 10 on a good day, yet struts around like she’s a supermodel? You see such arrogant condescension, despite even the slightest bit of justification. That’s the Chicago Bears and their relationship with the media. They’ve won just one title in the last 50 years, yet think the entire sports universe revolves around them!
I’ve met numerous reporters here in Chicago who refer to their P.R. department as “Police Resistance”. As bad as my experiences dealing with them have been, I’ve heard MUCH worse stories from numerous other journalists about the horrible ways the Bears treated them. It’s kind of like the scene in Monty Python and the “Life of Brian,” when Brian gets slapped in the face and spit on by the jailer. He complains about it to the guy in his cell chained up to the wall. Who replies “oh, look at you, jailer’s pet. What I wouldn’t give to be spat in the face?”
That’s how it feels. I’ve been shut out and snubbed by them, but at least I didn’t get snubbed while working for THE FREAKING NETWORK THAT IS BROADCASTING THE TEAM’S GAME THAT WEEK! There’s douchebaggery, but this is douchebaggery with brass balls. Coach Lovie Smith, GM Jerry Angelo, and QB Jay Cutler all turned down Bob Costas’ interview request. Yes, the same Bob Costas who has won multiple National Sportcaster of the Year awards (from the National [More …]
By Peter Christian
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The Call-Outs took a sabbatical last week for reasons that will be explained in just a few moments so we will have a couple call-outs that would have been taken care of last week had it not been for call-out #4. Since this one might get lengthy, lets get rolling with the finger pointing.
This (and Last) week I enjoyed: Sidney Rice owning the Detroit Lions, this awesome video, Mad Men, Brandon Jennings going off, Dwyane Wade’s dunk over Anderson Varejao, Zack Greinke getting the Cy Young, Minnesota Twins new uniforms, LeBron proposing that the NBA retire #23
THE ENTIRE SPORTS MEDIA WORLD!!!!
OK, so Bill Belichick decided against a punt on 4th and 2 from inside his own 30 yard line with the game on the line and suddenly everyone loses their frickin’ mind? Come on people, just because it wasn’t the conventional route or the safe route (so to speak) doesn’t mean it was a huge controversial decision that we need to spend 48 hours dissecting on sports talk radio and on Sportscenter and on countless blogs. What’s worse is that nearly EVERYONE is focusing on the wrong damn issue(s). The controversy shouldn’t be based on the fact that Belichick made a gutsy, no – BALLSY (that one’s for you David Kay) decision to let HIS team decide the fate of a premier match-up against a conference [More …]
By Peter Christian
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I know I promised a 2nd part to last week’s edition but a crashed computer and a week of Halloween preparations turned Part 2 into Part never. I apologize. It won’t happen this week. Mostly because I’m sticking with just one part and because I’ve got another busy week ahead of me.
This week I enjoyed: Favre’s Return to Lambeau, Duane Bennett’s performance against Michigan State, Iowa outscoring Indiana in the 4th quarter, the Return of the NBA, Jonny Flynn’s debut, Chase Utley’s home runs and Cliff Lee’s brilliance.
FOX
I know you are probably expecting that FOX get called out for its horrific commentators and appalling coverage of the NFL and the World Series. While those are both excellent reasons to call out the network that I still associate as being built on the foundation of “Married: With Children,” “Cops” and “The Simpsons,” that’s not it.
Nope, I’m aiming this call-out right at the executive who gave the green light to start production on “The Wanda Sykes Show.”
Every time I see a promotion for the new show I get really confused. First, I ask myself, “Didn’t Wanda Sykes already fail at having her own show?” then I wonder, “who finds Wanda funny?” before finally settling on, “and this is what’s wrong with network television.”
I know some people have probably laughed at two or three of Sykes’ jokes over [More …]
By Peter Christian
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I love the NFL and I love MLB play-offs but they just provide too many Call-Out candidates. Like way too many. If I left some of these off the list I would be failing at my job as the internet’s premier Caller Outer of Sports and Pop Culture infractions and injustices. To remedy the problem, I will again be breaking this week’s column into two parts for your consumption convenience.
This week I enjoyed: 30 for 30 (all three have been great to this point), Vikings DBs (w/out Antoine Winfield), It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Calling Play-by-Play for Hudson (WI) Raiders HS football
Manny Ramirez
Are we really surprised about anything Manny does at this point? The phrase “Manny being Manny” is so cliché that it just missed out on being mentioned in Paul M. Banks’ feature about the 11 Phrases that should NEVER be broadcast or published again but that still doesn’t explain Ramirez’ decision to hit the showers during the 9th inning of Game 4 of the NLCS against the Phillies. So while Manny was rinsing off his mango-melon body wash with a personalized loofa he missed his team collapse as Jimmy Rollins drove in 2 runs with a walk off double. Granted, Manny isn’t the first player to hit the clubhouse early after being replaced late in the game but he went above and beyond by stepping [More …]
By Peter Christian
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Be honest, how many times did you hear about something or witness something during the past week and think, “That has to be on the Call-Outs next week,”? I felt like I had that thought about 100 times since last Wednesday. I’ll see what I can do to limit the list this week and let you get on to whatever else it is that you are doing to waste time on the internet.
This week I enjoyed: Patriots offensive explosion, New England Patriots throwback unis, Cliff Lee, Purdue upsetting Ohio State, Vander Blue committing to Marquette (OK, that one is for David Kay), Modern Family
The Heene Family
Most. Obvious. Call-Out. Ever.
I still can’t decide what infuriates me more, the fact that they knowingly told their 6 year old to hide in a box for hours on end or the fact that they had the audacity to go out of their way to waste the time of the police, national guard and county sheriff department which in turn is wasting the money of everyone’s tax dollars.
I really have nothing new to say. Once it was pointed out to me that the family had appeared on “Wife Swap” and the clip was shown on “The Soup” (which made me say, “Ohhh, that guy!”) I was completely convinced that the incident was indeed a hoax. If I was one of the neighbors [More …]
