Miley freaking Cyrus. She’s everywhere–on the cover of Rolling Stone, in your YouTube feed, in construction sites, in the mouths of concerned moms everywhere. She’s either completely lost it or a complete genius. Only time will tell.
But while you were busy looking up the difference between Molly and Ex and watching Miley lick sledgehammers, she was off making a music video homage to the 90s and the great Michael Jordan, called 23. Ratchet rapper, Juicy J (the same man who apparently “knocked Miley up“), Mike Will Made-It and Wiz Kahlifa collaborated with Miley to drop a beat that is as catchy as it is annoying.
But where does Michael Jordan come in beyond the name?
All up in the footwear, my friend. The mainstay of the lyrical masterpiece resides in the repetitive line, “J’s on my feet.” This rap quartet tells a dramatic tale that comes with being a celebrity–getting excessively drunk/high in the club (this time on purp), rocking J’s on your feet and being a general asshole. The Jordans become the staple of this game changing rap song as they propel our protagonists into a level of kick game that most people cannot achieve. A level that ultimately gives them access to copious amounts of girls who go bi and give beejs like blow dryers. Top notch, top. notch.
Beyond the shoe drop, Jordan really breaks onto the scene in the music video, where Miley rocks her bastardized version of his #23 jersey. There’s also a overly gratuitous use of his number through the pep rally scene, but that’s really whatever when compared to Miley’s get up. In true Miley fashion, she’s turned Jordan’s jersey into some awkward two piece bikini–without the bears this time. Does she look hot–minus the bad hair? Unfortunately, yes. Everyone’s favorite train wreck rocked it out in this video, as long as you mute her and ignore the ever-annoying tongue flap thing she does.
So what’s next for Miley? Who knows? She’s clearly on the same memorable path that many a Disney star has paved before her; desperate to prove that she’s no longer a child star, but yet a “bad b*tch” that everyone needs to know about. Maybe there will be a drug bust, an admission to rehab, an Adam & Eve sex toy deal, a Crossroads 2, or a rude awakening for society when we all realize that we’ve been fooled by the one and only Hannah Montana.
I don’t know about you, but I’m anxiously awaiting–with my J’s on tight–for Miley’s next move. Check mate.
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