The Week in Review 5/15-5/6
“Read it. Comment on it. Forward it on. Or else the TERRORISTS WIN!”
By Paul M. Banks
-When you go to the airport, do you notice how the PA system constantly replays that message: “The Department of Homeland Security has raised the terror alert threat to orange.” I’ve noticed that it’s always at orange, no matter what is going on. And that no one cares about this extremely scientific and very important color coded system anymore…if people even did pay attention to it in the first place back in 2002. I also noticed that amongst all the cable news networks, only one (Faux News Channel) ever has the terror alerts in its ticker on the bottom of the screen. Which just tells you what an uber important and ultra-credible system these color warnings truly reflect.
-Next time I fly out of O’Hare I’m calling ahead. If it’s an orange day, I’ll wear a suit and be extra vigilant of everything I see. If the terror alert is only at yellow or blue, I’ll wear sandals and shorts and throw back a few cocktails at the airport bar.
-The Onion’s take on the topic
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30805
-This from sporadic TSB contributor Quentin. I appreciate the surliness of this message he sent to the CEO and Exec V.P. of the Sports Bank.net
“You continue to ignore me telling you how good these guys’ podcast is, but check out the Scalabrine diss track they did on LeBron/Jay-Z in the aftermath of the DeShawn Stevenson mess in Round 1. This is what my side of the internet is abuzz about today… “
-I really wish that sometimes I had a chance to read The Big Lead, Basketball Jones, Free Darko…or any other sports blog everyday, but I spend so much time online as it is, that for me to spend even more time on the internets would be dysfunctionally unhealthy. I actually haven’t listened to this, but I plug and promote the link here because I know Q’s tastes are very trustworthy.
-Notice the cool graphic here of my boy Bill Belichick in this link. When I look at the rest of it and see W. Bush and the 2007 New York Giants…well ….let’s just say if the emperor from Star Wars were near me, he’d say to me, “I feel your anger…Give in to your hatred.”
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/05/belichick-breaches-white-house-security.html
-Global warming is likely to cause a beer shortage. Now you will care about this issue as much as I do.
http://www.treehugger.com/files/2008/04/effects-of-global-warming-beer-shortage.php
-Just in case the record setting pace of tornadoes and the stronger than ever cyclones don’t get you, let me tell you again “BEER will be in short supply, more expensive and may taste different as climate change affects barley production, a scientist says.”
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23505712-23109,00.html
-Kid Rock named the cheapest tickets available for his concert tour the “Recession-Buster,” price levels $15. Which I’m sure will go very appreciated by Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke…who will likely be in the mosh pit elaborating on the specifics of the Keynesian view of the economy and discussing supply-side initiaives and that fed funds rate.
http://www.wlup.com/Concerts/Details.aspx?ID=9722
-This is really cool, the Kanye hands and Daft Punk hands. Very amazing how they made all the lyrics to the song flow next to each other on their fingers…just watch, it’ll all make sense.
http://tinyurl.com/ysa59l
Cash Money Brothers
From the Thrillist.com
Services: How Long Till You’re a Millionaire?
Pop in your current savings, monthly contribution, rate of return, and current age, and this engine’ll spit out how many years and months ’til you crack seven figures (note: the target date gets progressively later with each second you waste looking at sites like How Long Till You’re a Millionaire).
Finally give yourself something to look forward to at DollarTimes.com
-Jose Canseco’s steroid opera and steroid themed party, courtesy of the Onion
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/canseco_hey_guys_who_wants_to_come
http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/jose_canseco_composes_opera
“I think my libretto—especially the climactic scene in which fair Don Giambi is tempted to use the magic golden steroids to defeat evil knights Die Rosensox and their enchanted beast Il Monsto Verde—is exactly what is needed to bring the message of steroids in baseball to a new audience.”
-In last week’s WIR, I took the brutally honest datability quiz. This time, the only thing I changed was my answer to the question “what is your best personality trait?” I entered “intelligence” instead of “sense of humor” on this trial. Notice how my score went down significantly. Of course, I’m sure there are many guys reading this who would find the world a much sunnier place if women actually responded in practice even ¼ as much as they say that they do…Again I want to go out with the 7/10 girl they show at the end.
Powered By Toys for Love
Powered By Toys for Love
-For our readers and contributors in Wisconsin, this is sad and unfortunate news that I regretfully pass along.
http://www.madison.com/tct/news/stories/286093
-In the most pathetic segments of our culture, people genuinely care about the personal lives of celebrities…the biggest losers in all of our society actually feel highs and lows as they watch their favorite stars on the roller coaster of life. That’s why this quote from an interview of John Mahoney, Frasier’s Dad, manager Kid Gleason in the 1919 Black Sox movie “Eight Men Out,” is about pure poetry!
“TOC: In everything I’ve read about you, I haven’t seen any mention of a partner or a romantic life.
John Mahoney: Yeah, it doesn’t exist for me anymore. [Laughs] I think that’s dead and buried. Twenty-three years ago I had cancer of the colon. I had to have major surgery, and I have a colostomy. I really couldn’t have sex after that. I’m very happy by myself and with my friends, but no, I’m definitely not involved with anybody. Nor do I ever look to be.”
-I brought you the “Rent Rodman” April Fool’s joke in WIR a month ago, Check out the shout out one of my editor’s gave me here as I pulled the fast one on him.
http://www.therealchicago.org/0303upfront.htm
-This is the late and “Abbreviated Vacation Version of WIR Sorry!” I will be back next week with a full “live on location” (Virginia-D.C.-Maryland) version.
-The Sports Bank Founder Paul M. Banks nominated for ILLINI MEDIA ALUMNI HALL OF FAME!
A committee of students, staff and Illini Media alumni will be reviewing the candidates and will make final selections at a meeting in early June. They will be honoring this year’s Hall of Fame inductees here in Champaign on Homecoming weekend, Oct. 10-12, 2008.
Illini Hall of fame? Time to celebrate! You know what song that calls for…Please rise for our national anthem
well I certainly don’t want the terrorists to win…
Me neither…are they Cubs fans?
Yes, we are all fighting terrorism here by posting comments.
When I was in D.C. I met this dude who writes for Congressional Quaterly and he told me that I should come up with a slogan like “if you are with Deadspin instead of us, then you are with the terrorists.”
I thought it was pretty clever, but we’re not quite in Deadspin’s league yet. so I have to find a more balanced rival
I wonder who the terrorists would be…what sports site? or just maybe the Twins? Eric Gordon? Kelvin Sampson?
maybe that chick from Time out NY that called me a retard? I guess she’s kind of like Osama Bin Laden
That hand thing was super cool but kinda weirded me out. Wonder how long that guy spent working on it?
that video you just sent me is pretty cool too.
everyone check it out
http://youtube.com/watch?v=uuGaqLT-gO4