By the Soxman, Batboy, and ”Bruce Wayne Parker”
 
With Paul M. Banks on assignment covering the Spygate saga in our nation’s capital, the Soxman makes a signal to the pen for the “Big Guy.”  Batboy sits in this week.
 
Also, in a rare appearance, the alter ego of Soxman also logs-in from vacationing in Las Vegas to add his 50 cents (damn inflation) on the White Sox.  To protect his secret identity, we’ll just call him Bruce Wayne Parker. 

How is it possible for a super hero to have a conversation with his alter ego?  Well, Soxman is an insane southsider after all, so anything is possible.
 

Besides, it takes two men to fill Paul’s shoes.
 
(SM) All right guys, let’s get right down to business.  We are once again under .500 and sitting in third place in the Central at 18-19.  Yet, we are still only three games out of first.  How is this possible?
 
(BP) Well Soxman, you sometimes need to look in the mirror at yourself to find your identity.  I don’t think the Sox have found their team identity yet.  The Sox have dropped to 7th in the majors with a team ERA of 3.81.  They have the 2nd worst batting average in the American League (only Cleveland is worse).  Yet, as I sit in a casino in Vegas, the Sox are still the odds-on favorite to win the division.

 
(BB) Two words as to how this is possible: Bobby Jenks.  Big guys always come through.  A 2.51 ERA, saving seven games and winning two, means Jenks played a key role in at least half of the Sox wins.
 
(SM) Vegas eh?  Thanks for the invite.  I hope you are the big winner baby!  Well, I still believe we can turn this around.  Who are we going to need more from if we are going to take over the Central?  I think we are going to need to see more from our veteran sluggers.  Want proof?  Look at the batting averages of three key players the last 7 games:  Nick Swisher (.179), Paul Konerko (.200), Jim Thome (.208). As Trent (Vince Vaughn) said in Swingers, these guys need to double-down and start hitting!
 
(BP) Soxman, “you are money and you don’t even know it.”  For me it is Mark Buehrle.  Perhaps he’s pressing too hard, but the ace of your staff cannot statistically be the worst starter on your team.  He has allowed 14 earned runs over 11 1/3 innings in his last two starts.  He is 0-5 with a 5.26 ERA in his last six outings.  He appears to always be one or two pitches away from a good game and needs to turn this around quickly by avoiding the mental mistakes. He is not pitching like the 2005 Mark Buehrle and a big contract pitcher.
 
(BB) Bobby Jenks.  The Sox are going to need every win they can muster.  Every situation where we have the lead in the ninth, I want to see #45 get the ball.  He’s one of the top three closers in the game and likely one of the only players next to Floyd, Javy, and Quentin who have a shot at the all-star team. 

 
(SM) Who has been the biggest surprise thus far in your opinion?  Batboy, you can’t say Bobby Jenks.  People might start to talk.  For me, it is Gavin Floyd.  I was critical of him going into the season and he has silenced me emerging as the ace of the staff.  A 3.32 ERA and holding opponents to a .192 bating average, best among the starters, is impressive to me.
 
(BP) Well, as a fellow ladies man, I’ll have to tip my hat to Brian Anderson.  He took his focus off the ladies and onto the field, emerging as the number four outfielder on the Sox.  While I thought his ego was 50 points above his batting average last season, he seems to have been humbled by his own failure and is turning that into success. He’s hitting .333 his last 7 games and hit a critical homer over the weekend to beat Seattle.  He’s abandoned being one type of “player” to become another.  As I despise that type of “player,” I must say I’m proud of him.
 
(BB) Why can’t I say Bobby Jenks?  Especially with the meltdowns of Izzy in St. Louis and Eric “Gag Me” in Milwaukee.  Bobby never fails to surprise me.  He handles a high stress job with “Sox Swagger.”  Well, if I can’t say Bobby Jenks, how about other big guys, Scott Linebrink and Carlos Quentin?  Linebrink has a 0.90 ERA over his last 9 appearances and Carlos Quentin leads the majors in homers and on-base percentage.  He could be comeback player of the year!
 
(SM)  If the Sox swoon in May and June, do you think they will try to dump salaries and re-build?
 
(BP) You never can tell.  As I’m still in a Vegas state of mind, I can only say that would be a gamble.  There are really not many players eligible for free agency next season.  I met a number of Sox fans poolside, and surprisingly they thought it was time to move Jim Thome.  They were fed up with what they referred to as an offensive logjam of “slow hitters” in the middle of the line-up.  IF THEY SWOON, you could see them move Joe Crede to a contender and perhaps Contreras if he stays hot.  They would then get a look at Lance Broadway and give third base to Josh Fields.
 
(BB)  As long as they don’t trade one player (who I cannot name), I’ll be fine.  I wouldn’t be opposed to them moving Konerko if they could get 3-4 MLB ready prospects for him.  Perhaps his weight loss zapped his stroke?  See Soxman, thinner does not always mean better.  I just don’t know that as a 10-5 player, he’d approve a trade.
 
(SM) It was a crazy week for the Sox.  The blow up doll non-issue, pink facial hair, Buehrle blows up with a baseball bat, and my alter ego in Vegas.  The Sox also see an old friend in Jon Garland this week.  Any thoughts?
 
(BP) Yeah Vegas ruled Soxman, wish you were there.  Meeting Avril Lavigne at the Hard Rock was awesome.  Losing some cash on the Sox on Sunday was not.  Garland and the blow-up doll issue?  Well I think this quote from him covers both topics:  “I don’t think anything seen or heard in the clubhouse needs to be written about. And if you have a problem that’s going on in here, you don’t have to walk through the [clubhouse] doors. You don’t have to see it. You have to understand when you walk through those doors, you’re coming into our office.”   I agree Jon.  We miss you in Chicago.  The clubhouse rule is like the Vegas Rule.  What happens in Vegas (the clubhouse) Stays in Vegas (the clubhouse). 
 
It was great to see the Sox having fun with the facial hair thing.  Now they need to use that to build competitive chemistry.  I saw 80’s sensation Duran Duran Friday night at the Hard Rock. To use some of their songs, the AL Central is no ordinary world, our wild boys need to avoid the reflex of losing and be hungry like a wolf to win this thing.  
 
(BB) Boom!  Here Comes the Boom!  Bobby looked a little weird with the pink goatee, but it was for a good cause.  Heroes are all about doing things for a good cause.  Yeah I called Jenks a hero, got a problem with that Soxman?
 
(SM) Well Batboy, I don’t have a problem…but you might.  LOL.  Well, let’s close out this week’s exchange like Paul would, talking about something with only a very loose affiliation to the Sox.  If you could compare Paul M. Banks to one person on the 2005 Sox, who would it be?
 
(BP) Without a doubt Paul is Kenny Williams.  He’s egotistical, yet in a slightly brash way. He has an eye for talent and is not afraid to play hardball to get his way.  Finally, look at the SportsBank team: World Series talent if I ever saw it.
 
(BB) Close?  Did someone say close?  YEAASS!  The bullpen door is open again! Paul is without a doubt Bobby Jenks.  Even though I look more like Bobby Jenks than he does, Paul’s got the mindset of a closer.   A big-league closer isn’t the easiest job in the world.  You have to have confidence and Paul overflows with it. That’s what the business of a closer is about.  He goes out there and tells himself each day, ‘There’s no one on this team that can beat me, not even cancer.’” His record speaks for itself.
 
(SM) How did I know you would say that Batboy?  I think Paul is part Ozzie Guillen and part Jermaine Dye.  As a leader, he’s not afraid to argue bad calls and defend his team, as evident when someone attacked one of his writers last October.  However, as a friend and writer, he’s Jermaine Dye.  He quietly goes about his business and always puts up great numbers.  However, I WISH he were Jerry Reinsdorf so I could get that multi-million dollar contract.
 
(SM) Well thanks for sitting in guys.  Bruce Wayne Parker, it was like talking to myself as your opinions are so close to mine.  I’m sure many people would be jealous that I got to meet the man behind the mask.  Batboy, thanks for laying down the boom.  You are a great sidekick. 
 
Tune in next week Sox fans when Paul returns with some “Banksian” comments on how we performed without him and reacts to the 2005 Sox staffers we compared him to.  Go Go White Sox! 
 
 

My ”meeting with Senator Specter and Matt Walsh” at the Hart office building in D.C. was less than amiable
 

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